Even Steven

Beach Blanket Boredom

2008-06-23T20:51:00.001-04:00

In case you didn't know...this is what the beach in NJ looks like at the crack of dawn.

In a Word

2008-05-07T17:07:00.003-04:00

Just a quick recap of some things that have been going on in this US of A.

Miley Cyrus pics - so?
Philadelphia crime - typical
Obama - doom
McCain - gloom
Clinton - persevere!
Gay marriage ban abandoned in PA Senate - bravo!
American Idol - yawn
My recent trip to Florida - serene
Economic stimulus - gimme
Work-related issues - bleccch!
Single, normal, available gay men in Philadelphia - nonexistent
The media's treatment of Hillary Clinton - shameful

Biggest Loser

2008-03-19T19:32:00.002-04:00

Seems like during every election, or every term of office for that matter, someone somewhere digs up the dirt on politicians. I usually yawn at sex scandals which, to me, is an issue between the politician and their spouse. It is kind of gratifying though when vicious anti-gay public figures get caught in compromising positions with their male lovers...but that's another story.

Anyway, what bothers me is that, while Obama can't control the words that come out of his pastor's mouth, he can completely disassociate himself from that pastor. Instead he pretty much spun it to say that we need to create a dialogue about race relations. I think the fact that a black man running for President has created dialogue about race already. In my opinion the various states which he's won in the primaries are an indication that America is not as racist as his pastor would like us to believe.

I can tell you right now that Obama will not get my vote. I think he's shady and racist.

When we constantly focus on color, that's all we see. We need to get to the point where we can refer to someone without mentioning their race, sexuality or gender.

Vote for Hillary.

Dunklish

2008-03-10T17:32:00.002-04:00

Let me start by saying that I think Dunkin' Donuts coffee is the best and I drink it every day--sometimes twice a day. However, I have a problem with their latest ad campaign. The one that implies that their competition uses a mixture of French and Italian words to sell their coffee and that Americans are either too stupid or too uncultured to pronounce foreign words.

It's thinly veiled behind the notion that their competition uses a Franco-Italian hybrid--Fritalian--to hawk their java. But the ads basically tell us that Starbucks is pretentious and we're American brutes. The best part is that the ad is for a Dunkin' Donuts LATTE.

So Dunkin' is using an Italian word for their product. Shouldn't they call it MILK?

I'm annoyed because the words "latte", "capuccino" and "espresso" have entered into the English lexicon much like "pizza", "parmigiana" and "pasta" have. Our language is peppered with French and Italian words. Sixty percent of English is derived from Latin.

I see nothing wrong with Starbucks using the word "venti" for their 20 ounce coffee. Venti is twenty in Italian. You wouldn't go to Don Pablo's and request that they rename their burrito or chipotle sauce. It's moronic.

What makes this campaign even more ridiculous is that every Dunkin' Donuts that I've visited in the tri-state area is staffed by broken-English speaking employees. You're telling me that I can't pronounce "cafe au lait" because Americans are stupid, but your employees don't know the word "coffee" or "bagel".

The Phrase That Pays

2008-03-08T20:43:00.002-05:00

Lately my manager and my director have been using certain phrases that are a bit unnerving to me. When they refer to various male associates from other departments, who they suspect are gay, they mention that they're "snazzy dressers" or "dapper". Sometimes they call them "characters" or "pompous".

When I question them further they just brush me off and say "you know what I mean." I invariably reply "no, I don't." Maybe I'm being overly sensitive, but I know they love to gossip and there's no juicier bit of gossip than someone's "alternative" sexuality.

When I know or realize that someone at work is gay, it's kind of comforting to me. At least I know I'm not the only one and, even if they don't acknowledge me as another gay person, it's still good to know. I guess I should keep my eyes peeled for other "snazzy dressers."

In other news...I saw the weirdest thing the other day: two sparrows fighting over a discarded chicken wing. I guess if you're starving you'll eat anything.

Non Sequitur

2008-03-03T19:46:00.002-05:00

I'm finding it hard to concentrate on the current roster of wannabes on American Idol. No one really stands out as of yet. Although I have to admit that that Luke Menard is kind of cute. His voice is kind of high-pitched and he's not the greatest singer, but he's cute just the same.

I actually haven't really been concentrating on much lately. Work has been soul-crushingly overwhelming. When I get home I just want to crash on the couch. The worst public transit system in the universe, SEPTA, doesn't help either. Not only are the buses/trains on their own confusing, ridiculous schedules, but the passengers are escapees from either prisons or madhouses.

Anyway...I've kind of starting seeing someone. It's in the early stages. Rather than jinx myself I'd prefer to keep the details to myself, but suffice it to say he's a nice guy. Lately I've become utterly Seinfeldian in the sense that I get rid of prospective mates for my own set of neurotic reasons: weird hair, annoying laugh, mispronounciation of certain words, misspelling, etc. That being said...I think this one may be around for at least a little while.

In April I am off to Florida. My ex Scott is going to meet me there. We're going to hang out for a few days. I'm looking forward to getting away.

In other news, I've been enjoying the Sara Bareilles album. It's fantastic.
Nothing else going on at the moment. More to come.

Glamour Puss

2008-01-31T19:19:00.000-05:00

I saw this pic at Kitty Wigs and laughed my butt off. A portion of the proceeds from wig sales goes to the ASPCA. Classic.

Urine Idiot

2008-01-28T16:41:00.000-05:00

You know I'm not one to complain...ok...that's just ridiculous. Let me start over. I've noticed a trend recently in the men's room at my workplace.

A unit of IT people has moved to my floor which is made up demographically of males of Indian or Pakistani descent. They are constantly going to, leaving or using the men's room. Ok...maybe they're just bored and need to take a walk. Whatever.

The issue I have is regarding their total lack of men's room etiquette. You know the unwritten guy rules that govern the use of the side-by-side urinals. If a man is using the urinal and the stalls are available...you head into the stall to give the man who is using the urinal some space. If both stalls are in use, then it is permissible to use the urinals regardless of who is already there.

It freaks me out a little when I use the urinal that, when someone comes in, they invariably stand next to me and unzip with no apologies.

I don't know if it's an IT thing--maybe they are basically computer nerds and don't "get" the social aspects of daily life. Maybe it's a cultural thing of which I have no knowledge. Either way I'm not digging it.

Also, they have the tendency to bring food and drinks with them into the bathroom. I can't begin to throw up enough to show my disgust at that bit of nastiness. How do you put a tupperware of whatever you're having for lunch on top of the urinal while you're using it??

And finally...they read the newspaper while they're in the stalls and then just leave it on the floor when they're done. And not folded neatly, but strewn all over like they were really angry about the day's news.

Ok I'm coming off really neurotic, but I've been thinking of using another floor when nature calls.

Like The Corners of My Mind

2008-01-17T17:07:00.000-05:00

Today is Ralph's 45th birthday. Tragically he is unable to celebrate. A horrible accident has left him immobile, unaware and unable to communicate for the past seven months. I take comfort in my belief that his spirit has left his body and is free from the prison of his hospital bed. If my new age spiritualist hocus pocus is off the mark, I hope that he is truly unable to feel pain, fear or desperation.

I kept waking up last night and I couldn't figure out why. I think he was reminding me of his day.

In his memory I'd like to recount a funny story.

I was driving up through Bucks County, PA with Ralph in the passenger seat. We were headed toward Lahaska and New Hope to do a little shopping and soak in the sunshine of a clear spring day. As traffic slowed up a little on Route 63 we noticed that a police officer or fireman was standing in the middle of the road with a large cup in his hand. He smiled and chatted with the passing motorists who slowly cruised past him.
In anticipation of our approach to the civil servant, who was clearly collecting donations for a local charity, I turned to Ralph and asked him for some money.

Ralph looked at me like I was a lunatic and said "For what?" I replied that I needed cash to put in the officer's cup. The car in front of us had their window rolled down and the cop stretched out his cup-holding hand toward the driver.

Ralph begrudgingly handed me $3 and as I came up to the officer I attempted to place the money in his cup...which was full of coffee. The policeman looked at me and burst into laughter. He put his hand on my shoulder and thanked me, but he wasn't collecting money, he was directing traffic. I'm so dumb sometimes. Ralph and I laughed the whole rest of the way to Lahaska.

2007

2007-12-28T17:30:00.000-05:00

Wandering selfless
blazing through
unhinged
unheld
gone mad by consequence
found lost through incidence
left bare by diligence
unwrapped
unraveled
sent wishes to empty skies
left listless spirits behind
rent history with my eyes
unbound
unwanted
flying reckless without moving
lying soulless without proving
unsure
undone...

Joyeux Noel

2007-12-25T13:34:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas! Sorry I haven't been posting. Hopefully 2008 will be chock full of anecdotes, pithy quotes and happy times.

Check back soon!!

If You Ask Me, I Could Write A Book...

2007-12-03T17:32:00.001-05:00

I don't have much to say which is why I haven't been blogging lately. I suppose if I'm going to keep this thing active I should post something from time to time.

Gay Wizards-1, Haters-0

2007-10-29T17:58:00.000-04:00

I'm so glad that J.K. Rowling announced that she'd always imagined Professor Dumbledore to be gay while writing the Harry Potter books. There's no reason that, even in a fictional kids book, a character can't be gay. Good for her. Now the Right wingers can really hate HP.

Oh and f*ck all those people who are bitching about Vanity Fair picking Purple Rain as the best movie soundtrack. Hard Days Night? Quadrophenia? That's kid stuff. Purple Rain blew them all away. Thanks VF.

Go West Young Man

2007-10-10T14:38:00.000-04:00

After a bout with bronchitis which had the potential to ruin my trip, I left for Palm Springs. My doctor wasn't so sure I should go, but since he never called me back with the chest xray results I chalked it up to him just covering his butt and I got on the plane.

I had never been to California before and was a little scared about traveling alone. My desire eventually overcame my fear. I'm glad I went. The weather was gorgeous. The pool and jacuzzi were a godsend. The people I met were genuinely friendly and personable.

I stayed in a gay men's resort in South Palm Springs. It was a bit far from the downtown area, but I really didn't care. I was there to relax and unwind.

Since my body was still on PA time, I got up extremely early and took a leisurely walk around the neighborhood which was full of rancher style homes with tile roofs and manicured lawns in the shadow of the mountains. The pic above was taken on one of my daily walkabouts. The sun hitting the mountain peaks at 7 am was breathtaking.

Getting to Palm Springs wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I had a layover in Dallas, TX which only lasted an hour. Not too bad. On the way home to Philly, my plane was diverted to Dulles in DC due to inclement weather. It felt like it took forever to get home.

But I finally made it in one piece. My parents looked after the felines who were surprised to see me when I got back. They had this look on their faces as if to say "Oh yeah...I remember you. Where'd you go?"

My goal on this trip was to relax and to see if I was strong enough to make that journey on my own. I'm proud to say that I did it.

While I was there I met a guy from Vegas who is in the military. We discussed how his family doesn't accept him and how he has to hide his sexuality at work so as not to be discharged. Don't ask, don't tell is a bitch.
I also met a couple from San Diego who were so friendly and interesting. We chatted into the night while soaking in the jacuzzi. There were others there from Connecticut, Chicago and LA who were all such nice guys. There was a real warm atmosphere at this place for which I was grateful. Sometimes with the gays it can get catty, but this wasn't the case at all.

There was also a Mexican guy from LA who was struggling with the murder/suicide of his uncle/father. He was in the closet and had a son. I really felt for the guy as he really seemed to have the weight of the world on his shoulders. Dealing with violent, unexpected deaths in the family as well as sexuality issues and not seeing his son as often as he'd like must be unbearable. He said he was in counseling which I was happy to hear. I hope he gets the help he needs.

All in all...the trip was a success. The only thing that bothers me is that with every trip I take I feel myself pulling away from Philadelphia emotionally. I used to think this city was great--full of character, culture and history. But it pales in comparison to other American/Canadian destinations. Maybe it's time to consider moving.

Off My Chest

2007-10-02T08:09:00.000-04:00

First of all I'd like to get this bronchitis off my chest. Apparently the gods really don't want me to travel this year. Every time I would try to arrange a trip something would happen to prevent me from going.

Almost happened this time too. However, to confuse and bewilder the forces set against me, I booked a solo trip to Palm Springs. I have never flown alone, nor have I ever been on a vacation by myself. Not a big deal to some people. BIG deal to me. I am the poster child for social anxiety disorder. I've never been diagnosed with it which just proves my point: I'm too shy to mention it to my doctor.

Speaking of the (sometimes) good doctor...he prescribed me antibiotics, steroids and cough syrup. He commanded me to stay home today and then practically pushed me out the door while telling me to "get a chest x-ray or I won't clear you for the trip to CA". Ok Dr. FAA. He also told me to stop smoking immediately. Easier said than done.

I went and did the chest x-ray at the hospital. They took me quickly and Radiologist was cute so no big deal. I fought through the throngs of people waiting for prescriptions at CVS. Amazing how no one has their health insurance card, money or information ready. So I took the meds, called out of work and plan to try really hard not to smoke today. As of 8:22 am this morning I haven't had a cigarette in about 17 hours.

Hopefully I'll have a post with pics from Palm Springs next week.

From The Mouths of Babes

2007-09-26T17:06:00.000-04:00

One of the greatest TV characters ever, Stewie Griffin, continues to amuse an delight me with each episode of Family Guy. Best line so far was when he was describing his sister, Meg, as she walked down the stairs in their home on her way to a school dance. Stewie to her date (the family dog Brian) "You'll find that the carpet matches the drapes in color and quantity".

Don't Call It a Comeback

2007-09-25T17:20:00.000-04:00

I was reading about Nell Gwynn today. Hans Holzer, famous paranormal investigator, did some research into the hauntings at a theatre in London. Through psychic mediums he was able to piece together events which occurred during the Restoration.

Nell was not only an actress, but King Charles II's mistress...one of them anyway. Turns out Nell was cheating on the King with a man she loved, John Molyneaux. Through a medium Hans ascertained that a man named Fortescue was sent by the King to murder the errant lover. A duel ensued on the stairway and then up to the roof where John was fatally wounded. Crushed by the loss of her lover and knowing full well that she was out of royal favor her spirit is said to roam the theatre causing frights and wreaking havoc on those who perform there.

Nell is said to have had great wit during her life--not unlike Dorothy Parker's famous quips. The Comte de Gramont, in his memoirs, noted one of Nell's witticisms from 1681:

"Nell Gwynn was one day passing through the streets of Oxford, in her coach, when the mob mistaking her for her rival, the Duchess of Portsmouth, commenced hooting and loading her with every opprobrious epithet. Putting her head out of the coach window, "Good people", she said, smiling, "you are mistaken; I am the Protestant whore."

Classic.

Things I Don't Understand

2007-09-24T16:59:00.000-04:00

I'm hardly a genius, but I usually get a good handle on things. However there are some things that escape my comprehension. Such as:

10. KFC playing "Sweet Home Alabama" on their commercials for "Kentucky" Fried Chicken.

9. The 304 murders in Philadelphia as of 9/22. Today a rookie cop was shot in the face on a traffic stop. Unbelievable.

8.Grey's Anatomy. Just don't get what all the hoopla is about. Eric Dane is hot and I would watch him read the paper, but the show itself doesn't really keep my interest.

7.Oreo destroying a $25 pet bed which looked extremely comfortable, but loves to sit on the cardboard cupholder from Dunkin' Donuts.

6.Teenage girls who scream uncontrollably all the time. At least they can't sneak up on anyone.

5.Britney Spears.

4. The Philly news media who just can't seem to pronounce basic English words and often report incorrect information.

3.The president of Iran saying that they have no homosexuals in their country. Sure you don't.

2.How the Philly media suggested that the shootings of blacks at Delaware State University was racially motivated...until they caught the shooter who is black. Maybe he hates black people...that's kind of racist.

1.The Jena 6. I don't get it. The whites who congregate under a certain tree hung nooses in the branches as an insult/threat to the blacks who wanted that spot. The 6 attacked a white student who was not involved (allegedly)in the noose hanging. The attackers were arrested. The noose-hangers were not charged with anything. So what's the issue? Yes the whites who hung the nooses acted abhorrently. However, if you assault someone you get arrested. Doesn't matter what your motivation is. Doesn't matter if someone acts like an idiot. You don't have to take the low road. If I hang a noose in one of the branches of my tree, does that give a black person, or someone who is offended by that, the right to attack me without consequences? C'mon.

Emmy Recap

2007-09-17T17:20:00.000-04:00

I found myself watching the Emmys last night. I usually enjoy a good awards show. There weren't any real fashion disasters to speak of. I think Vanessa Williams pulled off the feathered gown with no problems. Although she could probably wear a burlap sack and still look good.

And I did laugh out loud when Giuliana from E! asked Omar Epps' pregnant wife "who" she was wearing. I think she was expecting a designer name, but instead got "A Pea in a Pod" as a response. She tried to cover by saying something like "oh wow...they make couture?" Nice try. Omar, you can't be a celebrity if you're wife is wearing off-the-rack mall clothing to the red carpet. Sorry.

This year the stage was "in the round" as they say in show biz. Bad idea. All the winners commented that they felt like they were ignoring a large portion of the audience. Speaking of the winners...could Tony Bennett or Robert Duvall give a more stilted convulted incoherent acceptance speech? And they kept winning. You felt the collective groan across the nation when their names were called. And how about Helen Mirren giving Americans a backhanded compliment in her speech? Uncool. You may be an award winning actress, but we still remember you from your role in Caligula. You're not that high class, honey. Roll the tape.

Christina Aguilera was amazing, but she overpowered Tony Bennett who, let's face it, needs to retire. The dancers in their performance were not enough to camouflage the fact that Tony needed a rest.

Kanye West seemed like a good sport in the "Don't Forget the Lyrics" bit, but Rainn Wilson loses points for being involved in the 'let's laugh at the white guy acting like a black guy' schtick. I'm over it.

The video of the writers for the Bill Maher show was hysterical. They were all tapping their feet and acting inappropriately in an obvious homage to Senator Craigs' mensroom shenanigans. Classic.

At one point they paraded out the entire cast of the Sopranos who just stood there. And when I say "entire" I mean it. I think "Man in Elevator" and "Girl #2" were there. There were way too many people on the stage for absolutely no reason. Mostly likely we will never see some of these people again on screen (big or small).

And finally...what is with Ryan Seacrest?!?!

WTF?

2007-09-10T16:22:00.000-04:00

I watched (some of) the MTV Video Music Awards last night. I was most interested in seeing Britney's opening performance. I expected the poor lipsyncing. I expected the hyper, highly animated back-up dancers undulating and grinding all over the place. I even expected the slightly risque (yawn) choreography.

I did not expect Britney to shuffle around the stage like she was wearing flip-flops in some backwater gas station ladies room. It was like she was moving in slow-motion while the dancers were moving in real time.

She seemed disoriented and at times appeared to be reading the teleprompter. Not just reading it, but studying it. It was sad and strange all at the same time. I'd hoped that she would've given the performance of her life, but unfortunately she wound up phoning it in.

The rest of the show was boring and predictable. Except for the guy who turned his back to the camera and pushed his face up against the wall when Kanye West passed him while performing. That was refreshingly strange. It looked like the last scene in the Blair Witch Project. Also, I enjoyed the 2 minute snippet of Gnarls Barkley and Foo Fighters covering Prince's "Darling Nikki". That sounded fantastic. I would definitely buy it if they release it as a single.

Anyway...Britney disappointed me greatly. What has happened to all our gay icons from the late 20th Century? Britney's a mess, Christina's all married and respectable now, Kelly's latest album is a tribute to her own creative egotism and Mandy turned all crunchy granola on us. I guess we'll just have to be happy with Beyonce and Kathy Griffin.

Visitation Rights

2007-09-03T09:22:00.000-04:00

Since this year has been stressful and mind-numbingly bizarre, I am surprised that things such as what I'm about to describe haven't happened more often.

Last week, as I sat on the couch watching tv, I suddenly heard the sound of water running. I immediately looked around for the cats to see if perhaps one of them decided to stray from their housebroken status. They were fast asleep next to each other locked in a feline embrace which makes you want to snuggle up next to them and drift off. But I digress. I went into the kitchen and saw that the faucet was running. It just turned on by itself. I closed it and crept out of the kitchen backwards on my tiptoes like Shaggy and Scooby-Doo trying to get back to the Mystery Machine inconspicuously.

The next night I seem to remember some kind of strange dream. I can't remember the details of the dream, but I did physically wind up on the floor. I woke up on the floor! Hasn't happened to me since I was a kid. And, at the time, I wasn't freaked out by it. It was like the end result of the dream I was having. I got up and flopped back into bed and tried to get back to sleep.

Last night I went to bed a little early and tried to get to sleep. Let me give you some background before I begin. All my life--especially at the end of summer--I've had strange terrifying dreams which I've always considered something supernatural. Articles that I've read about what they call "sleep paralysis" say that the dreamer is in a hypnogogic state (in between sleep and waking) in which they feel intense fear and experience images, sounds and sensations. All this is wrapped up in a physical paralysis where you can only move certain parts of your body: your tongue, your eyelids, a finger, a foot. It's nothing short of a maddening experience and I can't imagine what people of earlier centuries must've thought of all this.

So there I was, asleep in bed (alone of course). The cats, for some reason, were not in bed with me. At some point during my slumber I became aware of heavy footsteps in the hallway leading toward my bedroom. The "entity" (for lack of a better word) entered the bedroom and walked around my bed. I felt "him" put his hands on the bed making the mattress sag under his weight. He leaned in and said "I'm going to kill you". It was a vaguely familiar man's voice, but I couldn't place it. I felt this wave of fear wash over me and I couldn't move--couldn't fight back. He then put his whole body on the bed and put his lips near my ear and whispered "You know she loves you, don't you?" I could feel his breath on my ear and hair. He just stood there for a moment and then walked slowly out of the room back down the hallway. I still couldn't move, but the footsteps faded away and I knew he was gone.

All I wanted to do, in my disoriented state, was run to the backroom where my parents would be sleeping. The problem is that I don't live with my parents and haven't since 1991. But in my mind they were there sleeping in my backroom (in which there is currently no bed). It's like my mind melded my house and the house in which I grew up. I finally woke up and expected to see the cats on the bed. I figured maybe they jumped on the bed and my subconscious created this whole scenario. They weren't there.

I couldn't sleep in the bed after all that. I grabbed my pillow and went downstairs to the couch. The cats were again fast asleep on the floor. I felt this intense sensation of being watched. I said a quick prayer and put the tv on. My sleep, while uninterrupted by sleep paralysis or ghostly visitation, was not the best.

There's really no way to combat this sort of thing. I always thought it happened during stressful times, but then again it, without fail, happens in late summer/early fall--when the veil between the living and dead is at its thinnest.

I guess it's just another thing to have to deal with. And no I've never been diagnosed with mental illness which would cause these sleep disturbances.

Knowing Me, Knowing You

2007-08-28T19:12:00.000-04:00

Due to tragic and incomprehensible events my best friend is on the brink of death. As I look back on the time we shared I find myself lingering over the many conversations we had, the experiences we shared and the overwhelming feeling that we were destined to know each other.

Rather than dwell on yet another crushing loss, I choose to remember him as he was: vibrant, loving, sarcastic, cynical and generous to a fault. I'll reminisce about how he was the consummate shopper and filled his home with beautiful things. I'll recall how he would get angry over the dumbest things like being served rice in a really big pineapple at the local Thai restaurant. I'll never forget how we strolled the streets of Salem together and perused the shops in Montreal. I can still hear him gripe about how lousy TV is these days (except the soap operas which are flawless) even though he hasn't been able to speak since June. He was always ready to listen and, of course, give his opinion.

I can't say he was perfect, but his imperfections endeared him to me. It was his outlook on life that caused me to analyze my own. His biting wit never failed to make me laugh.

They say that paths cross for a reason and that every life has purpose. I believe that knowing him has enriched my life in many ways. I can only hope that he finds the peace he'd been searching for for so long.

MMVII

2007-07-23T19:32:00.000-04:00

Parfois le taureau peut vous écraser, les poissons ne peuvent pas nager, le crabe s'en va et s'amuse aux plages étranges et le scorpion s'assied sous sa roche et attend sa prochaine victime.

Due Gatti alla Finestra

2007-06-07T18:18:00.000-04:00

Summer Haiku

Two cats sit in the window

basking in sunshine

safe inside their home

marveling at the outdoors.

Des Chansons

2007-06-04T18:17:00.000-04:00

Some songs I love:

13. Fast Love - George Michael
12. Beautiful Disaster - Kelly Clarkson
11. The Life - Wendy & Lisa
10. Only You - Portishead
9. Fallen - Sarah McLachlan
8. Time After Time - Cyndi Lauper
7. I Can't Make You Love Me - Bonnie Raitt
6. Angel Standing By - Jewel
5. Bizarre Love Triangle - New Order
4. Enjoy the Silence - Depeche Mode
3. Boy - Erasure
2. You Can Take It All Away - Ryan Cabrera
1. The Ride - Prince

A Return to Idiocy

2007-05-29T17:15:00.000-04:00

I'm trying to return to some semblance of a normal life at this point. The house seems empty without Emma. So I decided to post some things on which I normally would've commented. Here goes:

1. American Idol - I was happy with the two finalists. I think Melinda is very talented, but judging from her "neck and shoulders issues" I assumed she'd get voted out as not being commercial enough. I'm sure she'll be okay anyway. Jordin is bubbly, pretty and talented so I don't have as much a problem with her as I did with Taylor Hicks (blecch). For the record I would watch Blake read the paper. And the whole homoerotic undertones thing with him and Chris R. was worth the watch. But that's just me.

2. Work Out - I got hooked on this gym reality show early on even though the relationship between Jackie (the owner) and one of her female trainers seemed a bit on the "showmance" side. If I'm wrong I hope they're very happy together. The fact that Doug passed away suddenly was incredibly sad and unexpected. Everyone's reactions seemed sincere (at least I hope so).

3. Will and Grace reruns are finally back on the air in Philly. For a time they were playing them 3 times a day...then they took them off completely. But the gang is back and I'm happy to watch them when I can. By the way, I saw Golden Girls yesterday during the day and I laughed out loud when Sophia said that the Navy proclaimed Blanche a friendly port. Classic.

4. I had to buy a new air conditioner over the weekend since my old one self-destructed. It was over 15 years old at least so I guess I can't complain. We had some good times together and I'll miss it's not-so-gentle hum during the long, humid summer days. Thank the Lord my parents were able to run down and give me a hand with installing the new one. It's a behemoth.

5. My grandparents just celebrated their 65th wedding anniversary and I realized that it would be mathematically impossible for me to be married that long. Even if it were legal in the US.

6. Charles Nelson Reilly passed away recently. Along with Rip Taylor and Paul Lynde he epitomized the wise-cracking 70s gay man without having to resort to puppets (yes I'm talking to you Wayland Flowers!).

Merci Beaucoup

2007-05-21T16:55:00.000-04:00

I would like to thank everyone for their kindness, compassion and support over the past few days.

At the risk of sounding dramatic (I'm willing to take that risk (as usual)), I'm going to proclaim 2007 as one of the strangest years in my life. The ups and downs, so far, have been so extreme that I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel at any given moment.

With any luck things will settle down, problems will be resolved and I'll look back on the first half of '07 as the storm before the calm. In any case I will remember 5/19/07 for the rest of my life.

In an interesting (kind of) side note: Last night I could've sworn I heard Emma barking in the distance--like she was very far away, but wanted me to hear her. I almost jumped out of bed to let her in from the yard until I remembered that she was gone. I chalked it up to mind tricks or a dream, but if anyone could bark loud enough from the Other Side it would be my little girl.

And then about 10 minutes ago, Simon got under the desk and sat down on the wires and pulled out the plug to the computer (see my previous post) in an obvious tribute to his dearly departed canine pal. With the way the spirit world likes to tickle my fancy from time to time...I'm sure more strange occurrences are to come. Stay tuned.

Emma 1992-2007

2007-05-19T13:29:00.000-04:00

Death lies upon her like an untimely frost upon the sweetest flower of all the field. - Shakespeare

I've dreaded this day for the past 15 years. I had to put Emma down today due to a rather sudden affliction in her heart and lungs. She was quite a character and rightfully deserved all my love and affection. She was the only one who saw me through all the hard times that plagued me: coming out, failed relationships, financial woes and sickness. I could always count on her for unconditional love and comfort. Of all the loves in my life she was the (to quote Sarah McLachlan) "one true thing I know I can believe in."

There will never be any other like her. I hope with all my heart that she forgives me for what I had to do, that she watches over me and will wait for me until I see her again.

On My Mind

2007-05-14T16:42:00.000-04:00

Corinne Bailey Rae - loving her all the way through. Go listen!

The Secret - life-altering positivity. Go read it!

The View from the Top

2007-05-01T19:22:00.000-04:00

I seem to have so much trouble breaking Emma's habit of sitting under the desk while I'm on the computer. I don't mind that she wants to be with me...in fact I like it a lot, but she tends to pull plug out of the wall with her J. Lo-esque derriere.

In the above picture she was giving me attitude about having to move out from under the desk. Can't you tell?

Murder Most Foul

2007-04-22T08:42:00.000-04:00

So since the past few months have been such a horrendous struggle I decided to contact a psychic for some perspective on things. I saw an article in Instinct magazine about three psychics who have been doing readings for several years. I chose David Tillman who turned out to be accurate, surprising at times and an all around nice guy.

I scheduled a phone reading with him since he's located in CA. I'd love to get to CA someday, but now is not the time. Anyway...some of the things he said to me blew my mind. I won't go into detail due to the private nature of our discussion, but it was really good.

I asked him about my grandmother's house which is known throughout my family to be haunted. He told me that before my family moved into that house (c. 1913) there was a murder on the second floor. The victim was sick in bed and possibly elderly, but not so sick that they were in danger of dying. However someone suffocated the victim to death and made it look like they died due to their illness. As far as I know no one bothered to investigate the death and the murderer got away with it.

David told me that the murderer roams the second floor of the house re-enacting their evil deed. He advised me to tell the spirit to "turn around and look into the light". He said that spirits who are stuck on this plane (by their own choice) are not aware that the light is there for them to cross over. Sometimes their shame or guilt prevents them from going to the Other Side where they feel they will be judged and punished.

This would explain why I feel a heaviness on my chest and tightness on my throat whenever I go up to the second floor. Amazing.

He also gave me some insight into my spirit guides and past lives which astounded me. By the way I have no affiliation with Mr. Tillman or Instinct magazine. This is all my own personal opinion. Good stuff.

Cat Scratch Fever

2007-04-11T07:44:00.000-04:00

Poor Simon has been through a lot in the past few weeks. On April 1st he had to have emergency surgery for a urinary blockage. Apparently this is common in castrated male cats. Being a dog owner for 15 years did not prepare me for this feline catastrophe which resulted in a 2 day hospital stay for my little buddy and a perineal urethrostomy. For those of you who don't know, and I sure didn't, a perineal urethrostomy consists of removing the blockage, widening the urethra and removing the patient's penis.

Needless to say I was horrified at the prospect of taking away the last shred of Simon's masculinity. The alternative was death so I figured it would be best to go ahead with the surgery. He's been wearing an e-collar to prevent him from disturbing his sutures. I have a follow up appointment at my regular vet tomorrow to make sure he's okay.

He seems to be doing well. However, Oreo, my female cat is prone to hissing and wailing whenever she sees him. It's like she has no idea who he is or why he's in her home. The dog just sits back and watches the two of them as if she were saying "stupid cats".

It's been a bit of a circus around here lately. The three animals are all jockeying for my affection. I actually took this week off from work (except Friday on which I have jury duty) to care for Simon. I'm hoping he'll be back to normal soon. I wish someone would care for me like I care for them. Maybe someday.

UPDATE
So far Simon is doing better. He no longer has to wear the E-collar and is getting along better with Oreo. She still gives him attitude from time to time, but she's got her own issues.

Follower of Chris

2007-03-25T09:21:00.000-04:00

I don't know why, but every time I get in the car I listen to the Chris Daughtry album. Besides smoldering good looks, he's a got a great gravelly voice. The album's good too. Lots of catchy hooks and just heavy enough to avoid cheesiness. I swear I'm not stalking him...I swear.

Anyway, I'm having work done on the house. New windows, new sheetrock in the front bedroom and a new toilet downstairs in the basement. I had only originally planned to do the windows/walls, but the toilet just happened to start leaking as if it were crying out for attention. I usually use the one upstairs on the second floor, but it's always good to have a back-up.

In April my niece is making her Confirmation and my nephew is making his first Communion. Two church services in one month is a lot, but I haven't been a good Catholic in years so it might be nice to see the inside of church again. I have such mixed emotions about Catholicism. I get pissed when people bad-mouth it, but I also get pissed by their anti-gay stance. I'm glad the kids are receiving the sacraments. They should get the basics and then make up their own minds as they get older.

Work is getting crazier. The people in my company are just so outlandish (for lack of a better word). They seem to be getting ruder as the months pass. Maybe we all need a vacation. I know I do.

You Swallowed What?

2007-03-24T20:32:00.000-04:00

Norma asked me about the Mutter Museum here in Philly so I provided a link here for those that are interested. It's a cool place although it can be kind of morbid and creepy. They have a case full of things extracted from people's stomachs (pins, buttons, etc.). It's one of the more fascinating places in the city. If you go, you may want to hold off on eating beforehand.

In other news...relatives of deceased Harry Houdini are attempting to have his body exhumed for an investigation into the cause of his death. They are claiming that he was murdered--poisoned to be exact--by the spiritual/psychic community which he contended were all charlatans and con men who preyed on those trying to contact their dead loved ones. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (author of the Sherlock Holmes books) was a strong supporter of the Spiritualist movement and even held fast to his beliefs when some admitted to being fakes. I'm not saying he was involved in Houdini's death. Just thought it was an interesting side note.

I myself believe that there are those that can actually communicate with the Other Side and those who are very good at making it seem that they can. Sometimes it's hard to distinguish the two. I always enjoy getting my cards read or a psychic reading. It's good clean fun as long as you're not shelling out too much cash or letting the predictions override your own instincts.

2007-03-16T19:47:00.000-04:00

Ain't this a kick in the pants?

American Cities That Best Fit You::

55% Austin

55% Miami

50% Atlanta

50% Philadelphia

50% San Francisco

Which American Cities Best Fit You?

Girl You Know It's True

2007-03-06T10:39:00.000-05:00

Below is a list of things that I have come to know to be true:

1. if you sit on the bus/subway in a sit near the aisle everyone who passes you will hit you on the shoulder, arm or head and not say "excuse me".

2. teenage girls, when gathered together, can not keep the volume of their voices below the decibel level of a sonic boom.

3. if a train arrives at the platform and is waiting to load/unload passengers, and you're rushing to catch it, everyone in front of you will instinctively move in slow motion and get in your way.

4. daytime tv programming is a sign of the apocalypse.

5. just as you're taking that last deep breath before you fall asleep the phone will ring or the dog will bark.

6. people only scan the emails you send them and won't fully comprehend your message even if it's one sentence long.

7. no one puts Baby in a corner.

8. there are no single available gay Italian men in Philadelphia.

9. left-handed people have lousy penmanship.

10. I don't care if Britney shaves her head, wears panties or finds Osama...just don't care.

11. Sandwiches and coffee always taste better if someone else makes it for you.

12. The many infamous jughandles in New Jersey were made to confuse and bewilder PA drivers.

13. I take a size L in shirts/sweaters, but I have to buy XL because my arms are orangutan long.

14. Golden Girls episodes are better the second time around...Designing Women episodes are worse.

15. I get a sinus infection every March and every October.

An Inconvenient Oscar

2007-02-28T16:42:00.000-05:00

As a gay man it is my duty to give my opinion on the Oscars. I'm going to shorthand it for you since the telecast (do people say that anymore?) was days ago.

Ellen - better than Letterman, Rock and Crystal. wanted her to do/say more, but seemed like she was subdued possibly on purpose.

Jennifer Hudson - your stylist is NOT your friend. crazy futuristic metallic shrugs and pockets in your gown were indications that whoever dressed you hates you.

Forrest Whitaker, Alan Arkin - YAWN

Helen Mirren, Rachel Weisz, Celine Dion, Gwyneth Paltrow, Beyonce, Reese Witherspoon, George Clooney - flawless

Eddie Murphy - left the ceremony shortly after he lost. sour grapes don't look good on anyone. I did want him to win though.

Nicole Kidman - see critique of J. Hud above and add replace shrug/pockets with really big red bow. glad to see you wearing a color that doesn't match your skin tone, but the bow gave me a headache.

Most of the video clips and montages were boring and unnecessary. I did, however, enjoy Clint Eastwood translating Ennio Morricone's acceptance speech. Didn't think you had it in you, Clint. Bravo!

The rolling interpretative dancers were okay I guess, but the first time they rolled out on stage I thought I was losing my mind. I don't think I was paying attention at the time and then all these people just rolled out of nowhere. Freaky.

That's about it for me. Until next year...

Tu rappelles-tu?

2007-02-25T09:41:00.000-05:00

Est-ce que tu te rappelles la première fois que tu voyais la neige?

Ou quand tu mets ta pied dans l'Océan Atlantique?

Où est l'homme que je rencontrais--l'homme que je savais?

Il est allé et chaque jour, comme un fou, je pense à lui.

Parce que mon amour ne pouvait pas le tenir.

Mon coeur ne pouvait pas entendre la verité.

Ricordi la prima volta che vedevi la neve?

O quando mettevi la tua piede nel Oceano Atlantico?

Dov'è l'uomo che incontrevo--l'uomo che sapevo?

E andato e ogni giorno, come un matto, penso a lui.

Perchè il mio amore non poteva lo tenire.

Il mio cuore non poteva sentire la verità.

What Did You Say?

2007-02-01T17:11:00.000-05:00

It always amazes me how much information people are willing to divulge in totally inappropriate places. These gems were announced out loud at work within the past two weeks:

Take for instance the woman I overheard telling about 30 coworkers that she's on fertility drugs and that her husband has ejaculatory difficulty.

Or the pretty pretty princess who disclosed that she can't eat popcorn with tabasco anymore because it makes her, shall we say, have a non-menstrual "heavy flow" day. Of course she didn't use those words exactly, but she did get into graphic detail about her race to the ladies' room.

I love my job.

Interesting Tidbit

2007-01-03T19:19:00.000-05:00

Did anyone notice (or is it just me) that Wendy and Lisa do the music for the hit show "Heroes"? I love that show, but didn't notice the music credit until recently.

Wendy and Lisa used to be in the Revolution (as in Prince and the...) and went on to their own recording career. Their music is actually pretty good and well worth a listen.

I thought that was interesting, but then again I don't get out much:)

Now I'll Really Make A Splash!

2006-12-31T09:13:00.000-05:00

I'm starting off the new year in a different situation than I had on 12/31/05. Back then Scott was here, I had a different car, I had a different title at work and I only used public transportation to come home from work (God I miss that morning ride to center city). I'm hoping these changes are for the better and that they cause me to be a new and improved me.

But I know I need to be more proactive in my self-development. I need to read more, exercise more, smoke less and eat more healthy foods. I'm not really one for resolutions per se, but I would like to be more attentive to my own needs and those of my pets and household.

Let's not call it a resolution, but a wish. I'm wishing that in 2007, like the "new" Jan Brady, I realize that I'm good enough, smart enough and doggone it people like me!

Happy New Year!

Which Superhero Are You?

2006-12-26T12:22:00.000-05:00

Your results:
You are Superman

Superman		85%
Spider-Man		80%
Supergirl		65%
Hulk		65%
The Flash		65%
Batman		60%
Robin		60%
Wonder Woman		55%
Green Lantern		40%
Catwoman		25%
Iron Man		20%

You are mild-mannered, good,
strong and you love to help others.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

A Christmas Haunting

2006-12-24T20:58:00.000-05:00

It's Christmas Eve and almost all of my family gathered at my maternal grandmother's house. She's lived in the same house since about 1912 or so. The general consensus is that the house is haunted. And I say that in all seriousness. It doesn't seem to be a harmful spirit, but it's presence is unmistakable on the second floor and the staircase leading up to the third floor.
I've made mention of this particular phenomenon before so I won't go into details about past events.
Tonight was the traditional Italian seven fishes dinner which, of course, was delicious and was followed by cannoli and banana cream pie from Termini's bakery. If you're ever in Philly do yourself a favor and go there.
I was in the kitchen after the meal by myself. All of a sudden the stove started to tick loudly as if one of the knobs were turned to the "light" position. I checked and played with all the knobs in an attempt to make the noise stop. Nothing I did worked. The noise didn't stop until other family members heard it too.
Later on in the evening the doorbell mechanism that hangs on the wall near the staircase which leads to the second floor started to make some type of white noise. It sounded like someone was flipping the dial on a radio. You could hear bits and pieces of voices, but nothing that resembled the doorbell's chime. It would intermittently go off while we were sitting there chatting to each other. Each time we would stop the conversation and look up at the wall unit in disbelief.
Now I'm not saying that these occurrences were definite signs of supernatural horseplay. There could be issues with the house's wiring which I'm sure was installed by Edison himself. There could be electromagnetic disturbances coming from outside sources: cell phones, the 11th Street bus's radio, all the neighbors' Christmas lights, etc. OR it could be the spirit of my great-grandfather or grandfather who is/are trying to let their presence be known.
No matter what the reason...it was creeping me out. We all try not to talk about it too much since my grandmother lives alone and I'm sure she wouldn't want to try to go to sleep thinking that her house is haunted.
Merry Christmas to all. I hope you all get what you want tomorrow morning:)

Humbug (?)

2006-12-22T12:47:00.000-05:00

It doesn't bother me at all that Christmas is a highly commercial holiday. Giving and receiving cards and gifts is the tradition for those who can afford it (and even those who can't).

The people that complain that "Christmastime" comes earlier each year are the same people who go to "Christmas in July" events at the shore and buy ornaments and decorations at the post-holiday sales.

We've been bombarded by movies, afterschool specials and claymation programs that preach the "true meaning of Christmas". They contend that we should not worry about decorations, gifts, parties and meals. That our sole focus should be on the birth of our Savior and spending (giftless) time with our families. If that's your thing, then please enjoy your treeless living room, your unstocking-ed hearth and your empty table. You can go to church, read from the Bible, say prayers, give to charity and still sing carols, eat heartily, spend time with loved ones, believe in Santa Claus, send out cards, give gifts and decorate your house. And you shouldn't have to feel badly about it.

Let's be honest...you should treat your family members, neighbors and fellow human beings with respect EVERY day of the year. That should be a given. I always wonder why all these charities, that pop up out of nowhere in December, don't run canned food drives in April or September. Are the less fortunate less hungry in the Spring?

Are the other holidays less commercial? How about Valentine's Day or Mother's Day? What about Easter or Father's Day? Cards and gifts are given on those days. There may not be as much decoration, but no one ever complains that these days are too commercial and have lost their meaning. And do you know why? Because, just like Christmas, you sacrifice for (spend on)those that you love. The only difference is that there is a religious connection to Christmas. Therefore people feel the need to have guilt about their conspicuous consumption.

Let me break it down for you. The date of Christmas was decided by the early Church so that it would coincide with the ancient Roman holiday of Saturnalia. The Romans got their freak on at the end of each year with the requisite debauchery and your basic guilt-free, un-Christian like behavior. Since new converts would miss the year end shindig, they made it in December. Everybody's happy, nobody gets hurt.

So don't worry, be happy and party like it's 199...B.C.

Working for a Living, Living for A-Working

2006-12-17T07:12:00.000-05:00

Not sure if I mentioned it in a previous post, but my company has named me the administrator for a particular system. I have various duties which pertain to the Operations area which is huge and includes thousands of employees. I didn't ask for it. This type of work is nowhere in my job description, but they gave it to me anyway.

They loaded that system onto my computer at work about a month ago. Every morning it would just erase itself from the computer. After weeks of trying to fix it they gave up and said that the new system upgrade should take care of the problem.

The new system upgrade was scheduled for 12/16. I thought nothing of it and went about my business. On 12/11 I was told that they would set me up with remote access at home and that I would be part of the "system upgrade team". Therefore I would need to work from home on Saturday the 16th.

I haven't worked a Saturday since I was in retail in 1999. But, as I need this job, I agreed to do it. I attended the upgrade meeting and brought all my memos and instructions home. I woke up at 7am on Saturday and started my portion of work. Thankfully the system was working for me.

Of course there were problems which necessitated a conference call, but my issue was resolved and I was done what I had to do by 9:30. The other members of the team decided to get up late and start their portion around 10 am. We were required to be done by noon. And we had to sit and wait for an "all clear" email from the IT guys.

At 1pm I still hadn't heard anything unless you count the email from the genius who didn't really understand the whole process. She kept sending out emails asking ridiculous questions.

2:30 rolled around and I sent an email to the IT guy asking him if I was free to go or if I had to wait around some more. He told me I was "free to go" and advised that he would send out an email to the whole team regarding whether or not we would have to do it all again on Sunday.

Fine. I went out and did some shopping. Checked my email at 9:45 pm. Still no email from IT. Checked it this morning at 7:00 am. Still no email from IT.

I can only assume that everything went as planned and that I'm not required to do anything else. But without my crystal ball I won't know for sure until Monday morning. You shouldn't have to chase people around to force them to do their jobs. I know somehow they'll find a way to say that I didn't do what I was required to do.

Anyway...in an update to a previous post the electrician never came. He called and said he couldn't make it two hours after he was supposed to show up. I contacted another electrician and he scheduled me for 12/16. This was before I knew I had to work that day. Once I was told I'd be working on Saturday I had to reschedule for 12/23. I don't think I'm meant to have a light in that room for some cosmic reason.

Christmas is almost here and I'm still short a few gifts. I just haven't found the time or motivation to go get done. I'm usually all finished by early December. I'd better get in gear. It'll be here before you know it.

Goodbye

2006-12-11T17:04:00.000-05:00

Goodbye

Last night when I left U fast asleeping
I should have contemplated suicide
4 the smile upon your face that's well worth keeping
By morning - smears 4 every tear U cry
I could manage a week or 2 without those kisses
It'd be hard, but something tells me I could try
4 that matter, whatever 2 make U reconsider
Is there truth when U make love 2 a lie?
Excuse me, but is this really goodbye?

Why'd I ever let U in this morning?
Why'd I let U come inside my door?
I should have known without that smile adorning
Your face - a kiss was not what U came 4
That's when your hand reached out 2 touch me gently
At least that's how it happened in my mind
4 that matter, whatever 2 make U reconsider
Is there truth when U make love 2 a lie?
Excuse me, but is this really goodbye?

Can't begin 2 understand how I think about U
Everything I wanna do, I cannot do without U
However wrong U want - I'll be
Just please don't leave
If it means this life without U, baby I swear I'll spend it on my knees
Excuse me, but is this really goodbye?

Last night when I left U I was so sure
We'd be 2gether 4ever and 4 days
And now my shade of blue couldn't get no bluer
I don't even know what I did 2 make U go away
I could possibly stage a front and play the cool one
Heart in my hand tryin' 2 hold back every cry
But who would applaud me when it's U, my one and only
Who ever gave me a good reason not 2 die

Excuse me, but is this really…
Excuse me, but is this really…
Excuse me, but is this really goodbye?
Goodbye

Prince -1997

Merry Christmas

2006-12-10T18:00:00.000-05:00

B'Day

2006-11-09T17:27:00.000-05:00

Yes today is my birthday. Please hold all your applause until the end of the post.

It was actually a most uneventful day. Work was a little stressful. Only a few co-workers remembered and they sent their birthday wishes via email. So no bouquets of balloons or really big cookies with my name on them which is fine with me. I'm not one for hoopla.

Anyway...36 years ago I came into this world fat, gassy and with minimal hair on my head (much like today). Some things never change. I've lived in the same city all my life which may strike some people as odd, but I've never had the motivation to move. Maybe someday, but I'm not in a rush.

Other than that I have no plans for today. My family sent their wishes which is always appreciated. I don't honestly know what I'd do without them even though I'm sure they could do without me sometimes:)

Happy Birthday to me!

Happy Hallowe'en

2006-10-31T16:48:00.000-05:00

It's been so long since I've been able to post a pic on my blog that I forgot I had that capability. Every time I sit down to write something witty and unforgettable my computer sits there loading for an eternity. Being the "type A" (the a is for assh*le) that I am, I can't wait for it and invariably give up.

Anyway...since it's Halloween things have been appropriately ghoulish around here lately. I won't get into specifics, but he knows what he did.

Other than that horrific slice of gut-wrenching death I have these gems to impart to you on this day when the veil between the living and the dead is at its thinnest. By the way I LOVE thin veils.

1. the light in my middle bedroom does not work. You flick the switch and it does nothing. So we put a torchiere lamp in there which only causes me to squint when I iron my shirts in the morning. Imagine Popeye muttering under his breath as he smooths out the wrinkles in his sailor suit. That's me. So Scott contacted several electricians. Many of these delicate geniuses were unavailable within this millenium. The one that agreed to come and repair it set a date and a time: November 4 at 8 am. Fine. Since the arrangements were made he has called and left about 5 voice mails. The voice mails are all in the same breathy urgent manner and he asks if we can call back and confirm. We've confirmed 3 times already and he still keeps calling. How much do you want to bet that he doesn't show up on November 4th? I'll keep you posted.

2. I am currently in training for a system which I don't currently use nor are there any plans for me to use it. So there I sit in a training room which I have to take 2 elevators to get to. My eyes heavy with the dullness that is Microsoft Access Level 3. I look around the room at the other trainees who are staring intently at the instructor as if she was giving out the meaning of life. Later in the day the instructor gave us a 15 minute break. I returned within 13 minutes and they had started without me. Are you serious? Is it that exciting that they couldn't wait a minute? No...I was the only one who left the room on the break. The Others sat there and waited. Freaks.

3. The homophobe attempted to give me candy the other day at work. Here was the conversation. Bear in mind she talks to me as I'm walking (with purpose) to another part of the floor without addressing me.
H: I have some candy here.
Me: Huh?
H: I said I have candy.
Me: Oh great.
H: Would you like some...it's chocolate.
Me: No thanks. I have something I need to...
H (interrupting): Don't you like candy?
Me: I do, but I don't want any. Thanks.
H: What kind of candy do you like?
Me: I like all kinds. I just don't want any.
H: What do you like to snack on?
Me (resisting the urge to say severed baby heads): I don't really snack at work.
H: Oh...what do you eat at home?
Me: I'm not a big candy eater. Thanks anyway I have to get this down to the sixth...
H: I've never seen you eat anything at your desk.
Me: I have to go. We can talk about this later.

I walked away (even farther) from her while she continued to have the conversation without me. Koo koo.

In other news...the Amazing Race is going well, but I still haven't found anyone to support yet. Same thing with Top Model. Although Melrose and Caridee are front runners. I just like typing Caridee. I'm sure she does too.

Good vs. Evil

2006-10-17T17:01:00.000-04:00

There are times in a person's life when opportunities present themselves that makes one pause and reflect on consequences or worth. I had one of those opportunities the other day.

The homophobic admin dropped her ID badge. I saw it fall as she walked away. Instantly the little devil and angel appeared on my shoulders. Should I get back at this woman for being shitty to me by putting her badge in the trash thereby causing her to be locked out of the building and responsible for a $10 fee to replace it? Or should I just draw her attention to the lost badge and take the high road?

I took the high road of course. But I did picture myself twirling my handlebar mustache and snickering as she searched for it in vain.

Normally I don't believe in the "kill 'em with kindness" philosophy. I believe in "kill or be killed." But in this instance I decided to be nice. Yes...I know...it gets you nowhere.

Anyway...for the first time in a long time I have no vacation plans set for the Fall/Winter seasons. Scott heads home to Louisiana in December and I have a mini-vacation at home, but there aren't any destinations on the horizon. I guess I'll wait 'til 2007. There are some things around the house that need fixing.

What's New?

2006-10-11T17:51:00.000-04:00

I've been reading an interesting book lately (see above). It's about the Greco-Roman roots of Western Civilization. Things like politics, our obsession with body image and sexuality are traced back to the ancient world. I recommend it.

In other news...my friend Ralph finally moved out of South Philly and is now nestled deep in the heart of the Philadelphia suburbs. One might even say he's ensconced in it. He likes that. So far he's enjoying the serenity of Delaware County. He's not quite wearing overalls with a sprig of wheat in his mouth, but I'm sure at some point he'll blow into a jug marked with "XX" on it while John plays the washboard. Now where's my banjo?

In still other news...my boss put me in charge of a new computer system. I'm responsible for the entire Operations area of my company. I had a 2 hour training session. Many people are contacting me to do things for them. The "help" desk can't figure out why the system can't be loaded to my computer. Things are backing up and of course...I have no idea what I'm doing. I hate when people dump things on me. It's as if they pulled my name out of a hat. Ugh.

Lastly...tonight is the holy triumvirate of Top Model, Ghost Hunters and Project Runway. I hope I can stay awake.

Color Me Disinterested

2006-10-03T16:51:00.000-04:00

So they're having a surprise baby shower at work for one of my pregnant co-workers. Since this is her third child they decided that we should all just chip in and give her the cash and a shower. I don't have a problem with this at all. What I do have a problem with is the fact that I wasn't included on the distribution list (intentionally) for the shower invitation.

I found out about it by accident while looking through another co-worker's inbox for something unrelated. I'm not a snoop....trust me. I'd rather have missed out on all the baby hoopla.
But since I discovered the errant invitation I promptly gave my $10 to the homophobic administrative assistant. She sent me an email apologizing for excluding me from the distribution list. She can burn in hell.

Anyway...today my director rushed me into his office with my other co-workers. He was frantic with ushering us in and asking us to sit down. I thought we were getting laid off. Turns out it was a baby shower meeting. Are you friggin' kidding me????

We sat there for 30 minutes discussing the details of what is sure to be one of the dullest experiences of my life. The meeting itself was such a HUGE waste of time. I must've had this "glazed-over" look in my eyes. I know I looked at my watch a few times.

The homophobe turns to me, all of a sudden, and calls me out.
Homophobe: are you going to help out? you know, you need to show teamwork.
Me: Sure, why wouldn't I?
Homophobe: don't you like baby showers?
Me: Baby showers? No. Not really.
Other co-worker chimes in with : maybe when you get married again we can have a man's shower for you.
Me: sounds dull...I'll let you know.
Me (to homophobe): you just let me know on the day of the shower what you need me to do, okay?
Homophobe: don't worry I won't get on your nerves.
Me: Yes you will. Yes...you will.
Room fills with laughter
I walk out using all my strength not to punch that bitch.

Who is she to tell me I need to show teamwork in front of my director?? And what's all this about a man shower? These people are so strange it's ridiculous.

I felt a little better after the meeting since a few co-workers came into my cube to bitch about the whole situation. Good times.

???

2006-09-27T16:56:00.000-04:00

I got this questionnaire from Purple Twinkie:

Accent – South Philly
Booze of choice – If I had to choose I guess I'd say champagne
Chore I hate – Cleaning the litter boxes
Dog or Cat – 1 dog, 2 cats
Essential electronics – TV
Favorite perfume/cologne - Eau Fraiche -Versace
Gold or Silver? – Gold
Hometown – Philadelphia, PA
Insomnia? – Frequently
Job Title – Business Specialist (how's that for nondescript)
Kids? – No
Living Arrangement – 2 cats, one dog and a Scottie in a pear tree
Most-admired trait – Legs...just kidding...um sense of humor
Nude or clothed? - Comfortable either way
Overnight Hospital Stays – Two
Phobia – False accusations, large crowds of strangers
Quote – I'm often quoted saying "I wouldn't watch this movie if it were playing on the inside of my eyelids". A famous quote I like is by Oscar Wilde: "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."
Religion – Roman Catholic
Siblings – One sister, two brothers
Time I wake up – around 6:30am
Unusual talent/skill – I can go from zero to sarcastic in 60 seconds
Very tall? - 6′
Weight? - 190-195 lbs.
X-rays – My back, my ankle, my hand. Had MRIs on back and stomach.
Yummy foods I make – Pumpkin Walnut Muffins, risotto, cranberry sauce with blueberries
Zodiac sign – Scorpio

Ka-Boom

2006-09-21T17:22:00.000-04:00

While at work today I got news that several underground explosions occurred about 4 blocks from my building. My first thought was "oh good...maybe I'll get out early". I guess that's not the best or expected reaction, but that's what I thought.

Turns out it was some kind of mechanical error on the part of the Electric Company. Good job guys. Anyway...the trains were unaffected so it wasn't a problem for me. However it was a problem for the thousands of people who were evacuated from their buildings. At least they got out early. So jealous.

In other news...I totally forgot to watch the Amazing Race this past Sunday. I caught the tail end of it just by luck ( I was flipping channels). I did, however, get to catch Top Model. There are some really beautiful women on there, but there are some real hags. There doesn't seem to be a middle ground in the casting. Oh well, we'll see what happens. They always give them makeovers anyway.

And finally:

To disparage the dictate of reason is equivalent to condemning the command of God.
-St. Thomas Aquinas

Sottovalutare il dettame di motivo è equivalente a condannare l'ordine del Dio.

Déprécier le précepte de la raison est équivalente à condamner la commande de Dieu.

Enjoy your day!

Pope on a Rope?

2006-09-18T16:58:00.000-04:00

Once again there are Muslims around the world that are angry. The Pope quoted a Byzantine Emperor from centuries ago which some found to be insulting to Islam. They're even declaring a "day of anger" to protest this heinous injustice and making vows of revenge. Oh please...why not a day of beauty (you could use it) or a day of silence (shut the hell up). Either one would be preferable to a day of anger.

And what do you do on a day of anger? Just wake up mad, eat breakfast with a scowl on your face, go to work pissed off and come home cranky? Or do you just shake your fist at the sky every time you think about the Vatican? It's just too funny.

There's no reason to walk on eggshells when it comes to free speech. Iran had a whole exhibit on Holocaust cartoons which made light of the 6 million people who died. Moronic and hateful...yes. Bigoted and shameful...absolutely. Should they be censored...no. Free speech is a wonderful thing. If you use it distastefully, then shame on you, but feel free to make an ass out of yourself.
People cry out that Catholics and Protestants alike killed each other (as well as Muslims and Jews) in wars and the inquisition all over faith. Yes they did...centuries ago. This is the 21st Century. Grow up. You should have evolved by now. Get with the program.

Theories

2006-09-08T17:21:00.000-04:00

I've been reading way too many online articles/blogs about different theories related to 9/11. It's freaking me out. I'm not one to totally trust the government of any nation (including my own) or the media or anyone who speaks with authority without actually having any. With the advent of the 5 year anniversary of 9/11, it seems that everyone is coming out the woodwork with their own spin on things.

One blog opines that the plane that crashed in the Pennsylvania boonies was actually shot down by a fighter jet. After all the media hype over how those passengers gave their lives to save either the White House or the Capitol Building, it seems a horrible shame for that to be true. I'd rather not think about that possibility.

Another blogger writes that the Twin Towers and Building 7 in NYC fell due to planned demolition rather than the effects of the plane crashes. They remarked on how Bldg. 7 was not even hit by a plane, but fell anyway...and that the Towers fell suspiciously straight down rather than toppling over. I'm no expert on engineering or demolition so I can't say either way. But it is thought-provoking.

The last blog I read stated that the plane that hit the Pentagon targeted a specific portion of the building itself in order to destroy documents which were housed there. Supposedly those documents, if exposed to scrutiny, would have toppled our government and specifically the Commander in Chief.

One of the worst things lately has been the consistent release of videotapes featuring our buddy Osama. Why glorify this maniac? Why give him any airtime?? The only time I want to see his face is when they capture him or find his corpse.

And who is filming these cinematic gems? They all look like bad home movies with crappy 80s graphics.

In a totally unrelated topic I'm looking forward to the Amazing Race. I probably won't watch Survivor. If you want to see people of different ethnic backgrounds competing to survive, just spend a day in Philadelphia or at least an hour at 10th and Market during lunchtime on a weekday.

Oh and if you have a kid in a stroller....TAKE THE BUS. Stop getting in people's way on the steps of the subway. And don't give people dirty looks for not helping you get your baby and its paraphenalia to the platform. Thanks:)

Vintage

2006-09-06T17:36:00.000-04:00

I found a great site for old pictures of Philadelphia. You can actually put in an address and it'll come up with pictures in that area of the city. This pic (above) is of a building that existed on the future site of my grade school. It's from November of 1908. The school is about a block away from my current home.

It's so strange to look at all these pictures. Makes you feel like you don't really know the city at all. Unfortunately there were no pictures of the street where I live...just the surrounding streets. I did, however, find out that my street used to be called Aman Street prior to 1897. For some reason they changed it. I'm totally addicted to these pictures.

My Own Private Paramus

2006-09-05T18:02:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I feel like Sally Field's character in Soapdish. Everybody likes a little adulation from time to time.

Once More Unto The Breach

2006-09-04T08:07:00.000-04:00

We took a ride to Delaware County yesterday. Got some delicious pies at Linvilla Orchards and then drove over to the Brandywine Battlefield.

I expected a much larger area like Valley Forge, but I guess a battlefield doesn't have to be a certain size--it is what it is. They had a little visitors' center there which had some good stuff and two houses that were used by Washington and Lafayette.

The tour for the house where Washington stayed didn't start until later in the day, but we went over to take a look at the grounds and peek in the windows. Scott couldn't resist and tried the front door. It was unlocked and the house was empty. He turned to me and tried to wave me in. I declined and ambled around the house while he enjoyed his time alone in the old house.

I kept watching the road that leads to the house half-expecting state troopers to come charging after us. What if Scott was some vandalizing lunatic pyromaniac? How could they leave something of that value unprotected. He only stayed in there about 5 minutes or so and left without touching anything (I think), but I was worried just the same.

We drove over to where Lafayette stayed, but thankfully that door was locked. The only other thing to see was a 220 year old tree which was pretty cool looking, but still a tree. I bought a magnet to mark the occasion and we headed back home.

The battle itself was a defeat for the Americans and allowed the British to occupy Philadelphia in 1777. Which I'm sure kind of sucked for our citizens, but hey they tried.

Welcome to Murderville, USA

2006-08-31T17:25:00.000-04:00

As if life in the Birthplace of Independence is not joyful and carefree enough...a string of violent crimes happened last night throughout our fair city. So far this year Philadelphia has had 261 homicides (that we know of). Our police department and city government are a complete disgrace. They are effectively letting the animals run the zoo and apparently it doesn't really matter. As long as the tourists and day commuters from Jersey and the PA Burbs are okay, the city is fine with turning its head away from its citizens.

The residents of our city share the blame as well. A few tips for Philadelphians: Don't let your children run rampant in the streets. Set a positive example for your children by working, keeping up with housework/repairs, paying taxes and behaving yourself (you're no longer a teenager--grow up). It doesn't matter what your income or perceived social status is. Act like a civilized human being and so will your children. Teach your children right from wrong. You shouldn't rely on clergypeople, Sesame Street, neighbors or schoolteachers to advise your children on how they should act. It doesn't "take a village"...get up off your ass (Flavor of Love will be back on next week in reruns) and talk to your children. Get involved in their lives.

Also, and this is for everyone, TEENAGE PREGNANCY IS NOT A GOOD IDEA. It just perpetuates the cycle of poverty and neglect. One time I overheard a gaggle of teenage girls on the subway talking about a boy they thought was cute. The conversation was the usual teen banter until one of them declared "I'm gonna have his baby." Um...how 'bout "I want to marry him" or "I want to spend the rest of my life with him"? I guess not.

Anyway...Philly will always be this way. I guess I should just accept it and move on.

Trading Spaces

2006-08-17T17:20:00.000-04:00

Apparently MySpace is all the rage with my semi-circle of friends (the Pink Posse if you will). Ralph, the last person I'd expect to have a profile, has one. I just don't have the energy to create one. Some of the profiles are interesting and I'm sure you get a proud feeling when someone requests that you be their cyberfriend, but I just can't get into it. I'm crabby like that.

In an unrelated topic...did you ever get the feeling that for something good to happen, something bad has to happen either before or afterwards? I get that vibe a lot. Like I have to pay for some cosmic gift in stress or misery.

In more cheerful news...Benji won the So You Think You Can Dance competition. I'll be glad that Cat Deeley's nasal twang will be off the air for a while. I still think Travis should have won, but that's just me.

Oh and please, someone, tell Ciara and Fergie to quit showbiz. I can't take all the crappy outfits and bad dancing. And if you're going to lip-sync...please at least try to make it look good. Thanks.

Princess Points

2006-08-16T16:48:00.000-04:00

Today I was in the elevator going back up to my floor. A woman entered on one of the lower floors who was carrying a box and a bag. I held the door open for her since the elevator doors are notorious for snapping shut on someone. I asked her which floor she needed and she replied "Oh...I got it...I'm trying to be She-Ra."

I haven't heard that name or thought about that cartoon in years. I thought it was funny that she'd break out a reference to after-school cartoons. Of course I, master of trivial and useless knowledge, understood.

In other princess news there's been a break in the case of murdered beauty pageant contestant Jon Benet Ramsey. Turns out they caught someone in Thailand and are bringing him back to Colorado as a suspect. I guess now we have to wait for the details.

In princess-related fodder...witness the story of Princess Caraboo who in 1817 started a scam that made the inhabitants of a small town in the UK believe that she was a princess from a faraway exotic island. She acted strangely, spoke a language of her own invention and became a local legend. She was later discovered to have been a servant girl in various English households which revealed her hoax. Must've been fun while it lasted. A movie of the same name was made with Phoebe Cates (of all people).

All Is Faire in Love and War

2006-08-14T16:57:00.000-04:00

This past Saturday we ventured out into the Pennsylvania hinterlands to attend the Renaissance Faire. The weather was great. Saw a joust and some good performances. Got my tarot cards read. Had a nice time. I really wanted an oversized turkey leg to gnaw on while I was perusing the various stands and huts, but alas it was not meant to be. Maybe next year.

In other news...I finally saw that cartoon of Mohammed that started all that hoopla a while back. It's posted on another blog. Unfortunately I don't remember which one. But if you do get to see it, you'll be amazed at how it really shouldn't have been a big deal.

In related news...this morning on the radio Scott and I listened to a pretty interesting discussion on racial profiling at the airport. The show is a morning shock-jock type program (not Stern) to which I usually don't listen, but they made a valid point.

They were talking to a caller who was fed up with being harassed at the airport due to his Middle Eastern heritage/accent/mode of dress. The caller stressed that he is not a terrorist and should not be held under suspicion because of his appearance. The deejays replied that, unfortunately, since most acts of modern terrorism have been perpetrated by Muslim extremists that law-abiding Muslims pay the price. It just makes sense that airport security is going to scrutinize a Middle-Eastern man much more stringently than an elderly Japanese woman.

The caller became irate and started talking about his trip to Israel and how he was stopped at a checkpoint and turned away. Ok...that's not our problem. But the rule still applies. Most acts of modern day terrorism in Middle East are perpetrated by Muslim extremists. The deejays were calling on Muslim leaders to speak out against all acts of terrorism rather than hang back quietly and see what happens. A good idea in my book. I'm sure it would help a little.

In totally unrelated news...the Treasure Hunters finale is tonight! I'm psyched to see who wins. Check your local listings.

Pirates of the Mediterranean

2006-08-08T16:57:00.000-04:00

I've been reading this book and it's blowing my mind. I knew that North African pirates existed, but I didn't realize that they were active well into the 19th century and actually made slaves out of the Americans and Europeans they hijacked. It took some American ass-kicking to put a stop to all the shenanigans over there in the Mediterranean. I'm always amazed at finding out new historical facts. Did you know the U.S. actually paid an annual tribute to these Barbary pirates so that they wouldn't attack our ships? I wonder if modern-day terrorists take Visa or American Express.

Speaking of modern-day terrorists...I awoke to the news that 21 suspects are being held in the UK on charges of attempted terrorism on US-bound planes. Apparently these yahoos have (allegedly) been plotting this for a while and were set to blow up some aircraft in midair. I guess when it comes to air travel and terrorists, nothing shocks me anymore. Kudos to the Brits for foiling the plot. I'll bet at least one or two of those terrorists is kind of glad that they got caught (deep down inside). I mean what's better...killing yourself and countless others or three hots and a cot in merry old England?

I mean really...what's the deal with these guys? Does Western culture piss them off that much? Or is it just Christianity? I don't get it. Whatever the reason may be is immaterial. They just don't like us. Ok fine. Get a real army and declare war. Stop doing all this sneaky crap like a bunch of wusses. Come out in the open and give us a fair fight. If not...quit your whining and go back to whatever it was you were doing before you decided to strap a bunch of dynamite to your ass. Thanks.

There's A Kind of Hush...All Over The World

2006-08-04T17:14:00.000-04:00

It's been so hot lately that even the "up to no good" are too exhausted to even mug you. I haven't seen or heard any birds chirping in the morning. And the streets are deserted during lunchtime at work. The oppressive heat has taken it's toll on the big city.

I never really cared about global warming since I assumed it wouldn't affect the earth until way after I was gone. Apparently it's happening now...right here in River City (and that spells trouble with a capital T). The crappy thing about it is that I'm not sure what I can do. As far as I know I'm not releasing harmful gases into the atmosphere (on purpose anyway). I confess that I did use aerosol sprays in the past--everyone did it in the 80s. Hairspray and Lysol were in abundance in those days. I wish I had that much hair now.

I do, however, have a bunch of plants in the yard and a tree out front. Hopefully that'll stem the tide of increasing temperatures. If not maybe I'll just fulfill my dream and move to a colder place.

Anyway...if you're watching So You Think You Can Dance you know by now that Travis should win. He's the total package. If you're watching Treasure Hunters you should be cheering on the Air Force team or the Southies. Love 'em both.

On a totally unrelated subject...I was reading about Seborga which is a village located in the Liguria region of Italy. The citizens of that village contend that the are a principality and are independent from the Italian Republic. In the 1960s a flower merchant promoted the idea and his coinhabitants subsequently proclaimed him their prince. Read what Wikipedia has to say about Seborga.

2006-08-02T17:24:00.000-04:00

Pet Shop boys - Absolutely Fabulous

Up in Smoke

2006-07-26T16:54:00.000-04:00

There's nothing more wonderful than waiting on a hot and steamy subway platform while pot and cigarette smoke is wafting through the atmosphere. One guy in the standard oversized white shirt and baggy pants and a girl who looked a lot like Paris Bennett (from American Idol) decided today was the day that they'd light up at the same time on their way home from a busy day of doing nothing. The guy was smoking a joint and the girl a cigarette. They were standing far enough apart to choke everyone in between them.

So, lucky me, I got on the train (which was late) smelling like Cheech and Chong after a party in East L.A. I'm getting really fed up with rude, obnoxious people.

Anyway...in unsurprising news Lance Bass from *N Sync came out today. I always had my suspicions, but when I saw him sitting on the couch watching Project Runway with Kathy Griffin and her best gays I knew for sure. Good for you Lance. Oh and from what I hear his boyfriend is Reichen from the Amazing Race. Really good for you Lance.

In unrelated news someone at work deleted 3 years worth of files from the system for no apparent reason. They're working on trying to restore it so I won't have to go back through all my junk to redo the reports.

In more unrelated news...Philly's police commissioner stated (in a nutshell) that deterring and stopping crime is not the police department's responsibility. Uhhh...should I put on a cape now and fight crime with my faithful sidekick?

Maybe he's right in a way...each citizen of this city and nation should know the law or at least the difference between good and evil. But the police should be held accountable for their part in the war on crime. How many times have I seen police cars drive right by corners where drugs are conspicuously being sold? How many times have they passed by prostitutes selling themselves in the middle of main streets? Why are the curfews on the books never enforced? Didn't the police officer stationed upstairs at my subway station smell pot like everyone else did today?

Philadelphia has a long history of looking the other way. It amazes me how we even got involved in the American Revolution. Things were different then I suppose. Maybe we should bring back public hangings and the stocks to give criminals a taste of 18th century punishment. Some would say that that's not civilized, but neither is dead children caught in drug war crossfires or unsafe streets.

Summer Haiku

2006-07-25T16:54:00.000-04:00

I am bored to death
People are so annoying
Riding the train sucks.

I was inspired by Miss Japan (Kurara Chibana) from the Miss Universe pageant and figured I'd express myself in a haiku. She was totally robbed. Miss Puerto Rico (the winner) is a hag. And where was Miss Italy? Why were the paesani shut out?

In pageant related news...Carson Kressley was a co-host on the Miss Universe broadcast and was totally himself. If you've seen Queer Eye then you know how he slips in those little innuendos and quips--it's all a part of being Carson. I thought it was funny. Some others were appalled at the gay humor. Ummm...if you're male and watching the Miss Universe pageant chances are you're not exactly the straightest arrow in the quiver. Get over yourself.

Anyway...I'm so over all this heat and humidity. Summer is the one season that NEVER ends in Philly. I'm pretty sure the electric company has something to do with it. They seem to be the only ones happy about the heat.

In other news...I'm totally addicted to Treasure Hunters on NBC. It's a total blatant ripoff of the Amazing Race, but I don't care. If you can't be with the one you love...love the one you're with.

Look Who's 30

2006-07-24T17:09:00.000-04:00

I haven't posted in so long I think I lost my mojo (or my homo-jo). Things have just been crazy with the physical therapy, the "Scottie's 30th Birthday Gaystravaganza", work and the various issues with the critters.

The friday before Scott's birthday our friends Ralph and John took us (and my parents and sister) to a really nice restaurant in South Philly called Frederick's. We had a great meal and good conversation. Then on Tuesday night we went to the Kelly Clarkson concert. She was fantastic. We had great seats--3rd row, right orchestra--and until the end were enjoying the company of our fellow concert-goers. Toward the end of the concert these two drunk women finally found their seats which were at the end of our row. I was hoping they wouldn't show up so we could scooch down a bit. When they got there we moved over two seats so that they could be in front of their seats. They kept screaming at us over the music to move down more. The guy next to me and I screamed back "there's nowhere for us to go!". They just made a face and started to bump into Scottie who was closest to them. So during "Walk Away" he started to frantically and maniacally jump up and down and thrash his body to and fro. I know for sure he knocked into them a few times. They were pretty quiet for the rest of the show.

The next day we took off and went to Six Flags Great Adventure. My sister and her kids wound up coming too. I spent most of the day holding bags and praying for a cloud to pass in front of the blazing sun. Scott and the kids had fun so I guess that's all that matters. I did get to ride the tea cups though which is always a plus.

On Thursday night we went to see Cirque du Soleil which was amazing. We had VIP tickets and got to relax in the Tapis Rouge (red tent) with hors d'oeuvres and drinks. It was very swanky. I highly recommend it. I didn't think I'd like le Cirque, but I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Saturday we had a little party at our house. It was nice. Lots o' food. Almost everyone came.

So Happy 30th Scottie. I'm glad it's over;)

I Vincitori

2006-07-09T18:32:00.000-04:00

As you might've guessed I'm not a sports fan at all. However, since I've been reading BBC News at work online, I kept track of the teams' progress. The US got cut kind of early, but Italy took it all the way.

If you saw the final game you know that France did well and that the ABC commentators couldn't stop gushing about the French player Zidane. It was like Brent Mussberger had a crush on him or something. Truly bizarre. Anyway it turns out that Zidane deliberately headbutted an Italian player in the chest. Quel dommage. The French could've have gone out with some dignity.

Oh well. I was glad to see the Italians win. They deserved it. And it was pretty funny to see cars riding around South Philly beeping their horns and waving Italian flags. I guess since the US wasn't in the finals everyone reverted to their ethnic backgrounds. Sorry for the sports post, but the Italian team is hot. I would watch them read the paper.

Ms. Clarkson If You're Nasty

2006-07-06T17:17:00.000-04:00

In celebration of Scottie's 30th Birthday (July 19th) we've got some events planned the week after next. First up is the Kelly Clarkson concert. Ralph and I saw her last year and she was phenomenal. Scott went home to Louisiana that week and couldn't make it. So he'll finally get to catch her live. Oh and...Ralph screamed louder than any 13 year old girl at the concert when Kelly hit the stage. Then he screamed at the row of 13 year old girls in front of us because they were standing on their chairs and he couldn't see. Just thought I'd mention that.

Next up after Kelly is a day at Six Flags Great Adventure. I'm hoping I'll be able to ride some of the rides without destroying my back. I probably should mention that I'm going to my doctor or physical therapist. I may go anyway. I'm usually the one holding everyone's bags, pretzels and sodas while they go on the roller coasters. I'm not one to be thrown upside down (gives me a headache). If Six Flags is out of the question we may go to the beach which would be fine with me as well. But it's Scott's day so I'll guess I'll let him choose.

Lastly we have VIP tickets to Cirque du Soleil. They erected a huge tent at the corner of Broad and Washington in Philly. Should be interesting at the very least. I've never seen them live before. I'll let you know how it goes.

Let's Get Physical

2006-07-04T08:07:00.000-04:00

Ok...first off...I haven't been able to post anything since my computer decided to act up. I couldn't get online for about a week. The guy from Comcast came and fixed it. I have no idea what the problem was and, by the looks of things, neither did he. But now I'm back in business so to speak.

Anyway...not much has happened since my last post except for my physical therapy. My primary care doctor and an orthopedic specialist seem to think I have a herniated disk in my back. Although neither wants to commit to that diagnosis. They dance around it and allude to it, but they have yet to give me a concrete answer. Meanwhile I've been going for physical therapy for the past two weeks to try to get rid of this pain in my back and right leg.

So far it's made me feel a little better, but I'm not very patient and was hoping for quicker results. If the physical therapy doesn't work then I'm going to have an MRI and get some kind of shot to relieve the pain/pressure. I'm assuming it's a cortisone shot or something. It could be heroin for all I know and, at this point, I don't care.

So for now you can catch me lying on a table doing really slow exercises with a bunch of strangers. I've never been to a gym, but I imagine that's what it's like there too (plus the cruising). The physical therapist says he wants to build my "core strength" and get me active again. He mentioned using one of those huge plastic gym balls. I've seen them on tv, but I have no clue how to use them. I have the feeling it's going to be a Lucy and Ethel moment once I get on the floor with the really big blue ball.

In other news...I donated my car the Purple Hearts. I thought it would be an easy transaction. However, it turned out to be a mess. Miscommunication, misinformation and slow response seem to be the modus operandi over there. Bottom line is they took my car and didn't give me back my license plate nor did they send me the paperwork for my taxes. I'm still going back and forth with them. You can be sure I'm going to notify the BBB about all this nonsense. It's a shame that you can't even be charitable without some kind of problem.

In other unrelated news...the homophobic/bible-thumping coworker of mine tried to give me her religious calendar again. This was the conversation:

Her: Here's a calendar for you.
Me: So-and-so, I told you before I don't want it. Please take it back.
Her: Oh you don't want it? I give it to everybody else.
Me: I don't want it, so-and-so, I've told you before.
Her: (takes it back with an attitude) Oh...well then I'll just give it to someone else.
Me: Anyone but me. Thanks.
Her: (as she's walking away) I give these out every month.
Me: And every month I tell you I don't want it.
Her: (mumbles under her breath)

You'd think she was trying to give me CPR. Take your calendar and stick it up your nose. She's really getting on my nerves.

I'm off today. I shouldn't be thinking about work. Enjoy your holiday!

Oh Happy Day

2006-06-23T16:51:00.000-04:00

According to Cliff Arnall, to day is supposed to be the happiest day of the year. This is the same guy that said January 23rd is the most unhappy day. I guess it sort of makes sense.

At least it did for me. Today I got to and from work with no problems. My boss let me leave early (with pay). And Scott and I were invited to dinner at Ralph's house. I'd have to agree with Mr. Arnall.

Enjoy your happy day!

Happy Birthday Emma!

2006-06-22T16:56:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday to the (basset hound) lady in my life, Emma. She's 14 today which in dog years is the equivalent of "old as dirt". But she's still got a lot of life in her, God bless her. Just ask Scottie when he's trying to sleep at 3am and Emma decides it's time for a treat.

Over the years Emma has seen a lot of things. I just thank God she can't actually speak. I'd be in BIG trouble. Happy Birthday Em...I love you. Now go lie down and stop barking!

Cross Your Heart

2006-06-21T17:12:00.000-04:00

I'm not a soccer fan. In fact I'm not really interested in sports at all. But you have to admit that the above picture of Wayne Rooney, who plays for England's World Cup team, is pretty cool. Of course there are those who have a problem with the image. Some say it's too reminiscent of the crucifixion. Others say Wayne looks like a Crusader and that Middle Easterners may be offended. I say, however, that it's a cool picture and nothing more. Everyone really needs to take their meds and relax. The flag of England is a red St. George's cross on a field of white. This picture represents the athletic strength of the team embodied in Wayne who is wearing the team colors. What's the big deal?

In other news...Saddam Hussein is going on a hunger strike to protest the murder of his defense attorney. Good luck with that, Saddie. Doesn't anyone understand that no one cares if you go on a hunger strike? Have a sandwich and come up with something more pathetic.

Also a Beagle named Belle saved her owner's life by dialing 911 while he was having a seizure. It's just yet another reason to love the pooches.

Love Letter

2006-06-19T16:54:00.000-04:00

Scott received a letter in the mail today from the Family Research Council. The envelope reads "URGENT: Citizen action required to stop same-sex "marriage" (their quotation marks, not mine) in America."

Enclosed in the envelope were preprinted petitions addressed to G.W. and Sen. Bill Frist. Also enclosed was an offer for a pamphlet entitled "The Slippery Slope of Same Sex Marriage."

First of all I think it's hysterical that they would send this type of nonsense to a gay household. I guess the Family Research Council didn't do too much research. Secondly, what type of mailing list is Scott on? Are we going to get a free copy of "Guns 'N Ammo" next? Lastly, the letter states that contributions are welcome and tax-deductible. How can a donation to an organization such as this be tax-deductible?

Anyway...I'm thinking of sending them a picture of Scott and I making out while we hold their letter in our hands. Too much? Ok, how about we just demand that they remove his name from the mailing list and take the high road. Probably what we'll do.

The whole situation is ridiculous. It's like thinking 4 + 4 = 44...it just ain't right.

Take Time to Stop and Smell the Lillies

2006-06-15T17:15:00.000-04:00

Please enjoy our Asiatic Lillies (in the backyard) while I take a day off from blogging. Photo courtesy of Scott's camera-phone.

Lockdown

2006-06-14T17:05:00.000-04:00

The old Moyamensing Prison (at left) was built in South Philly in the early 1800s and housed such noted personalities as poet/author Edgar Allen Poe (for drunk and disorderly behavior) and serial killer H. H. Holmes.

The site of the old prison is about 2 blocks from my grandmother's house and a portion of the old prison wall exists in my backyard. Unfortunately nothing of the structure itself is left to see. The lot now contains a supermarket and a bank. Not as interesting, is it?

Before the supermarket was built the lot was an empty field. Our parish used to hold carnivals there at the end of the school year. There was plenty of room for rides, games and food vendors. The games were such a scam that you'd have a better chance of winning something by throwing your quarters into the street.

Once building started on the supermarket the carnival moved to the parking lot next to the school. It was a little cramped but still got a good crowd. The parish had it there off and on for years.

Now the parish has decided to use the park (where I walk my dog) about half a block away from me for the carnival. Of course the city has decided to lay sewer pipes on two streets near the carnival site. So my neck of the woods is chock full of bulldozers, mud, tar, noise, trucks and soon to be...litter. Nothing says "carnivale" like litter.

I passed some of the carnies on my way home from work. I'm assuming they don't get a dental plan. I've seen jack o' lanterns with more teeth.

Anyway...the homophobic Bible thumper at work is at it again. A pregnant coworker announced that she was having a girl. Someone asked her if she'd picked a name. She said she was still thinking about it, but liked the name Melissa. Thumper says...."oh no. I'll help you. I'll give you a list of Bible names to choose from." I couldn't help myself. I laughed out loud and said "get the hell out of here!" And then I pretended I was laughing at something on my screen. Not only does this woman want to push her beliefs on people, but she's now naming kids.

Kiss Me Deadly

2006-06-12T17:19:00.000-04:00

Today I had to go to the hospital to pick up xrays that I had taken for my back. I have an appointment with an orthopedic specialist on Friday who needs to see the xrays for diagnostic purposes. So I took the subway from work and headed to the hospital. My xrays were enclosed in a huge paper folder which had an extra large picture of a human spine on the back of it.

Needless to say I trudged home (about a mile) with this oversized package in tow. I could've taken the subway to a station a little closer to home, but I figured the walk would do me good. There's a row of stores on Broad Street which has long since passed its heyday. The people who loiter around the storefronts outnumber the actual shoppers. The McDonald's and Dunkin' Donuts on this strip provide the perfect opportunity for people to just hang out.

As I passed three strung out, filthy dirty men who were sitting in the doorway of one of the stores...I heard it. They each made a kissing sound and then a gave a "wolf whistle". If you've ever watched a Bugs Bunny cartoon the wolf whistle is performed for a sexy woman (followed by bulging eyes), but in this case I think it may have been directed toward me since there were no sexy women in my vicinity. Unless these guys were so stoned they thought the 80 year old lady shuffling behind me was a babe. I just turned and looked at them and then kept walking. Could I have used my really big xrays as a weapon? Give them a papercut perhaps? I'm not sure. Gaybashing is on the rise in this country even in the most liberal of cities so it kind of freaked me out. I'm assuming their catcall (if it was meant for me) was just their nice way of saying "we know you're gay and we want you to know that we know". Thanks guys. I guess it's fair since I took one look at them and knew they were junkies. Fair is fair.

Anyway...in other news my car is deceased. I took it to the mechanic for one last look. They told me that the car could be repaired if I had a few thousand to spare, but they wouldn't recommend it. It had a good run. It's a 1989 Honda Accord. So after many years of service I am donating it to Purple Hearts. They're an organization that uses the donated vehicles to assist veterans. I figured since I can't sell it, I might as well put it to good use somewhere else. Plus I can use the good karma. Maybe that'll keep the "kissy faces" of the world at bay for a little while.

Mexican-American War, Part II (?)

2006-06-09T16:37:00.000-04:00

There is a well-known purveyor of cheesteaks a few blocks from my house which decided to put up a sign which reads "This is America-When Ordering 'Speak English'."

Apparently this sign has become national news. The owner of the place states that they have never turned someone away for not speaking English. Some local Latinos are upset and state that the sign is directed toward them. They feel that the sign should be removed. The owner refuses.

I've lived in this neighborhood for 30+ years now. Recently there has been an influx of Latinos into what used to be (and still is to some extent) an Italian-American area of the city. The "Italian Market" which is the largest open air market in the US should really be called the "Asian Market" since there are only a few vendors of Italian descent still in existence there. There has also been an influx of out-of-state developers who are building condos and new housing hoping to appeal to the NY and CT residents who are looking to put down stakes in Philly. Long-time South Philly residents are leaving in droves--continuing the 20-year trend which has decreased Philadelphia's (legal) population considerably.

The steak joint is, in my opinion, completely within their rights to post such a sign. It's not harming anyone. They're not turning anyone away. And logically...if customers can't speak English, chances are they can't read it either. So who is getting upset? The Latino community leaders who want to get their name in paper during this "tense" time of immigration hoopla. Also Philadelphia city council members who want to get the Latino vote come election time.

Personally I haven't bought a cheeseteak from this place in years, but it's a South Philly institution that won't go away anytime soon (sign or no sign). The lines for this place are down the street on any given weekend. Furthermore...if you don't like the sign...don't buy anything from there. It's as simple as that.

Also did the writer in the above-linked article really have to bash the English-speakers of South Philly? We have accents just like New Yorkers, Bostonians, Alabamans, Californians, etc. It doesn't mean we're all low-brow idiots. I thought news articles were supposed to be objective. I guess not.

Culture Vulture

2006-06-06T16:58:00.000-04:00

Once again I am inclined to give you a taste of things I like.

Scandal:

Silent film actress Mary Miles Minter was a star on the rise in the early 20th century. At a young age she was cast into the spotlight by her mother, the ambitious Charlotte Shelby, and appeared on both stage and screen. She developed a relationship with director William Desmond Taylor and gradually freed herself from her mother's tight grip. In 1922 Taylor was murdered at his home and Minter allegedly lied to the police about when she had seen him last. An investigation later revealed that several letters between the two as well as items belonging to Minter were found in the home on the night of his death. It is also alleged that Paramount "cleaned up" the crime scene before and after the police arrived in order to put its own spin on what took place. After Taylor's death, Minter made two more movies but the scandal was too much for the public to forget. Her career was over. The mystery remains unsolved.

Fine Art:

Bronzino's "Venus, Cupid, Folly and Time" is one of my favorite paintings. It's actually my current desktop background (which changes often).

From Wikipedia below:

The painting had been commissioned by the Duke of Florence, Cosimo de' Medici, to be given by him as a gift to Francis I of France. The erotic imagery would have appealed to the tastes prevalent in both the Medici and French courts at this time.
The attention to texture and wealth is consistent with Bronzino's aristocratic patronage. The figure of Venus can be likened to a precious object in a luxurious setting, desirable because of her unavailability.
Crowded into the claustrophobic foreground of the painting are several figures whose identity has been the subject of extensive scholarly debate. The themes of the painting appear to be lust, deceit, and jealousy. At times it has also been called A Triumph of Venus. Its meaning, however, remains elusive.

Philadelphia History:

Philadelphia has a long list of "firsts". Here are a few:

1682 - first brick house erected in America (William Penn's house)
1698 - America's first public school
1728 - first botanical gardens
1736 - first volunteer fire company
1777 - first US flag (go Betsy!)
1847 - first zoological garden
1876 - first World's Fair in America was held in Philadelphia to celebrate the centennial.

Strange Day Indeed

2006-06-01T17:24:00.000-04:00

One of my faithful readers (Hi Norma) once commented that my workplace is like an alternate universe. I think she's right. Today was truly bizarre.

This morning I got to my desk about 7:45 and proceeded to start my daily reports. Out of nowhere the old homophobic bitty materialized in my cubicle. Without warning she came about an inch from my face and said "here's the calendar (which has a prayer/Bible quote on each day) that I give out to everyone" and then disappeared before I could kick her in the ass or rub my eyes. I can usually tell when she's approaching. You either hear the incessant humming of long-forgotten hymns or the clickety-clack of her oversized plastic costume jewelry.

I've told her before that I don't want her calendar. Apparently that's not in "God's plan." I immediately threw the calendar into the trash, but placed it so that she would know that I threw it out. I'm not anti-Christian. I'm anti-her. Sure enough about a half hour later I heard the familiar clickety-clack and watched her in my peripheral vision stare into my cubicle desperately searching for the calendar. I hope she saw it in the trash. Evil bitch. Next month I'm going to give her this calendar and see what she says. She might like it.

Later in the day I overheard a trainer, who holds his class in the open space right next to my cubicle, say that the member service reps should try to be tolerant when speaking to people from South Philly since they're all rude. Huh? Again...someone is voicing their personal opinion (which is totally untrue) in a business setting. All the trainees just remained quiet and didn't agree or disagree. I leaned out of my cubicle and said "You're not talking about people from South Philly, are you?" He said "hehe, oh no...I was just kidding." I replied "right. I know." Idiot.

In the afternoon the female trainer flew into my cubicle like a dingbat out of hell and asked if the class was making too much noise. I said "no it's fine" as I was trying to get something done. Honestly I really wasn't even paying attention to her or the class. Even though she had to notice that I was busy she kept talking. "Maybe you should put on some headphones or something to drown out the noise. I can get you some." I just said "no thanks. I'm good." She finally left and had a look on her face like she was Carnie Wilson and I was a glazed ham.

On my way to go make a copy she shouted from across the room "Good morning!" I turned and said it back to her and kept walking. I overheard her say to one of the female trainees: "I think I'm getting on his nerves, but I don't care. He's so hot." Are you kidding me? What is going on here? Who is doing the hiring?? I felt so self-conscious for the rest of the day. Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

I got on the elevator to drop off some reports to her royal (pain in the ass) majesty senior VP who requires hardcopies in 2006. A woman who I vaguely remember from my days on the phones got on as well on a lower floor. She said "Hi Steve." At the time I couldn't, for the life of me, remember who she was. I just did one of those half-hearted hellos and got off on the sixth floor. Later I recalled who she was, but I still don't remember her name (Tamika, Tamia...something like that).

All day my computer was acting up ...ugh! Okay I'm getting off the "complain train" at the next stop. Hope your day was better.

Sleep in Heavenly Peace

2006-05-30T17:02:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, like today, was so hot and humid that I passed out on the couch (twice). I totally missed about 4 hours of my 3 day weekend. Of course because I slept during the day I roamed the halls at night like a vampire. Even the cats were trying to sleep and gave me that "why don't you just lie down" look.

My sleep cycles are so crazy anyway. As it gets warmer I sleep less. No amount of air conditioning or fragrant summer breezes can lull me to sleep once the temperature rises above 75 degrees. Around Autumn I start to get insane nightmares which last until about Halloween time. Yes...it's very spooky. I'd like an Eastern-facing padded cell, if you please.

Anyway I got to thinking of some funny stories from the past that involved sleep disorders. The disorders themselves and the people who suffered them aren't funny...just the situations.

Ralph and I used to work at a bank together. Actually we worked together at two banks, but that's another story. We had a co-worker named Jackie who was probably in her 50s. We all sat in the same area of a huge branch which is now the Ritz Hotel. The rumor going around was that Jackie had narcolepsy. I didn't pay any attention to the rumor since Jackie seemed a bit out of it all the time, but I never saw her sleeping on the job.

Until one day a woman sat at her desk and inquired about a loan. Jackie pulled out the necessary papers and proceeded to explain the loan process. During her explanation the phone rang. She picked up the phone, said hello and fell dead asleep with the phone to her ear. The woman in front of her must have been startled by the now seemingly comatose customer service rep. She said "Ma'am? Are you okay?". The person on the phone must've thought they got disconnected. The receptionist ran over and tactfully nudged Jackie back into consciousness. Jackie just said "huh?" and looked at the phone like someone had played a prank on her and hung it up. She then proceeded to explain the loan process as if nothing happened.

Another employee of the same bank (different branch) was caught sleeping on the job. The only reason they found him catnapping is because he had the tendency to take off his shoes and place them on his desk. He would then crawl under the desk and go to sleep. One day the manager was looking for him for business-related purposes and scanned the area. He wasn't at his desk, but his shoes were on top of the blotter. As the manager walked over he discovered the guy in the fetal position snoring away underneath the desk with his chair pulled in as closely as possible.

My grandparents have a home at the Jersey shore. As kids we would visit there and sleep in the bedroom next to theirs. One night at about 1am my grandfather, in his sleep, broke wind (to put it mildly) rather loudly. The next thing we heard was clapping, snapping of fingers and whistling. My grandfather woke up due to the aformentioned noises and said "Anna, what are you doing?!". She said "You want to make noise...I want to make noise!" Classic.

Code of Ethics

2006-05-29T07:20:00.000-04:00

Scott and I went to see the Da Vinci Code yesterday. We drove over to Cherry Hill, NJ to see it. I wasn't going to sit through another movie at the Riverview theatre in Philly. It's just too noisy (see my previous post).

The movie itself was just okay. I read the book and thought that seeing it played out on screen would be great, but it seemed like they rushed through it. Tom Hanks' hairstyle wasn't as bad as all the entertainment rags were saying. Audrey Tatou is fabulous. I loved her in "Amelie". I would watch her read the paper or do dishes.

As far as the topic of the movie goes...I don't think anyone would really lose their faith or even avoid going to church after seeing it. The book and subsequent movie are works of fiction. Even if you suspected that the "message" of the movie is actually true would you seriously stop being Catholic or Christian because Mary Magdalene didn't get recognized officially as Jesus' wife?

Would you distance yourself from Christianity because of a movie plot? I don't think so. The Catholic Church (and other religious organizations) have much more to worry about than someone discovering Mary's bridal registry. I'm not sure why people are getting so upset about this issue. There's a war going on right now as we speak. Try to focus on getting our troops home. Or at least worry about the high gas prices, drugs in schools and the environment--not a movie.

0)+>

2006-05-25T16:44:00.000-04:00

I actually kind of enjoyed last night's American Idol. Even though I was disappointed about the finalists I sat on my couch and prepared to be catty and malicious to the anticipated corn-fest I was about to watch. However, besides the ridiculous Brady Bunch style group songs and the moronic "remember all the really bad auditions from the beginning of the season" awards, it wasn't that bad.

I was astonished that Prince was there. There are certain celebrities that you just don't expect to see on TV. I know that A.I. got Stevie Wonder to help out this year, but I never expected Prince. Idol usually trolls the has-been D-list for "stars" to come on their show. Remember Kenny Loggins and Neil Sedaka being on the program? And I know that they got Shakira and Wyclef this year as well, but they don't count. They both take turns getting on my nerves.

I liked Paris' duet with Al Jarreau. I also enjoyed Taylor and Toni (who looked fantastic). Elliott's song with Mary J. Blige was a little painful to watch and hear. She should've taken the screeching down a notch. Chris' song with "Live" was good...although the lead singer looked like his uglier, taller twin. Must be the bald heads. It was nice to see Dionne Warwick although she never really had a powerful enough voice keep my interest.

There was a moment, at the end of Prince's set, where it looked like Ryan Seacrest was going to try to talk to him. Prince high-tailed it out of there. Or should I say "high-heeled" it.
Another awkward moment was when they turned off that former contestant's microphone so that Clay Aiken could sing without him. Smart move.

Carrie Underwood was beautiful as always. But I just can't get into her. The whole country thing bores me. And through it all I kept wondering where Fantasia and Reuben were.
I know Kelly Clarkson wasn't going to be there. She's trying to distance herself from the show. I have tickets to her concert in July, so I can't be mad at her. But Barrino and Studdard were nowhere to be found. I thought that was strange.

In unrelated news...I have to drive up to Northeast Philly tonight to feed my nephew's turtle. My sister and the kids are in DisneyWorld. My friend Ralph is in Key West and my parents booked a few days at an Atlantic City casino. Meanwhile...I'm home getting ready to drive 10 miles to feed a turtle. Good times.

Good Day Sunshine

2006-05-24T16:59:00.000-04:00

As far as I know there have no been no scientific studies on how crime rates escalate during days with good weather. However, in my own experience I've found that warm weather = mayhem.

Today started out in the 50s and warmed up to the 70s with full sun and a light breeze. Normally I'd be ecstatic. With all the rain we've had lately, the sunshine was a welcome sight. But alas the climatic brilliance was overshadowed not by clouds, but by the threat of something wicked this way a-coming.

It started this morning at our local Dunkin' Donuts. Every morning Scott and I pull into a small Dunkin' which is conveniently located on the way to our respective workplaces. It's not in the best neighborhood, but the Dunkin' about a block away from here is invariably packed with people around the time we leave. So we opted to try this other place since the coffee and selection is the same.

Scott ran in to get the coffee and as we were pulling out of the spot we were forced to stop. The driver of a white BMW decided to park his car in the middle of the parking lot which is about the size of a placemat. He sat there as Scott beeped at him and didn't move. At the same time a cabdriver (wearing the biggest turban I've ever seen) comes rolling into the parking lot. So there we were in gridlock in a parking lot. Finally the BMW moves forward and acts like he's going to leave the parking lot thus making room for everyone involved. Nope. He moved up two inches and sat there again. The cabbie decides that he's going to park in the spot closest to him near the entrance/exit. Why he didn't do that in the first place is beyond me.

At last, we had room to maneuver out of the parking lot after the obligatory slow-down and curse-out of the BMW driver. He couldn't have cared less. Apparently owning (renting (?)) a BMW makes you better than everyone else. I laughed at the fact that this guy thought he had class sitting in his BMW IN FRONT OF DUNKIN' DONUTS. It's not like he parked in front of his mansion or even a nice restaurant. You're buying $1 coffee in a crappy neighborhood. Get a grip.

During my smoke break I was approached three times and asked for a cigarette and spare change. I also witnessed two guys going through the ashtrays outside my building and taking cigarette butts to be smoked later. Bleccch!

On the subway I was asked for spare change two times and was subjected to a young girl shaking her ample rump in front of everyone for no apparent reason. Just then I had a psychic flash of her pregnant with her fifth child, high and obscenely poor. I think Bill Cosby would've kicked her ass if he saw her. I had to say "excuse me" three times to a woman blocking the exit to the train just to get by her as she stood there motionless with the worst case of B.O. ever.

On the walk home from the subway station I was asked again for spare change by a guy who couldn't have been older than 19.

Where were these people when it was cold outside? As soon as the sun shines they crawl out from under their rocks.

Ok...I'm calm now. Just a bit of Wednesday venting. And don't even get me started on American Idol. Chris Daughtry should've stormed the stage last night. I'm going to bed. Wake me in the Fall.

Now That's Italian

2006-05-23T17:20:00.000-04:00

On Sunday I went to my nephew's 4th birthday party. My brother and sister-in-law always have good stuff to eat. We invariably have a good time when the family all gets together. I gave my nephew, Anthony, "A Bug's Life" which he so desperately wanted as part of his b'day gift. He was happy. I guess it doesn't take much at that age.

I fixed myself a plate and went out to the patio with Scott, my niece Maria and my sister. As I went to sit down I almost dropped my plate and said "managgia!" My niece just looked at me and asked me to repeat what I'd just said as if I'd just uttered a Harry Potter unforgivable curse. I repeated it, but advised her that it was a mild Italian curse word so she shouldn't say it herself. I really don't want to be the cause of her first foray into adult language. She's 10 years old and really shouldn't curse in any language. She's a good kid so I don't expect her launching into an obscene tirade anytime soon.

It kind of made me sad that, since she lives in suburbs, that she hasn't really been exposed to the Italian language. Even though we didn't speak Italian at home our speech was always peppered with Italian words or phrases. Of course the things we said were pronounced differently than standard (Florentian) Italian due to the different Southern Italian dialects, the influence of American English or years of lingual corruption. Things like:

1. Quanto va schif': when you really found something disgusting.

2. San Antoni': after a heavy sigh or if you couldn't find something.

3. Non si piace: literally "no one likes him/her". used in the presence of non-Italians to talk about someone.

4.Madonn'!: used to show disbelief or shock.

5. 'Merican: (Scottie hates this one) a name given to all the European ethnicities that came to America before the Italians.

6. Guaglione: used as a derogatory name (jerk*ff) for a guy. pronounced /wa'-yo/

7. Cacarelle: diarrhea

8. Cialtrone: idiot. pronounced /cha'-drool/

9. Stonat': literally "out of tune", but used to mean "out of it".

10. Malattia: sick. pronounced /ma-lad'/

11. Cecato: blind. pronounced /che-kad'/

12. Squashad or Cupad: used to describe the feeling of being "closed in" or claustrophobic.

13. Mammarelle: pronounced /ma-ma-dell'/. used to describe a girl or woman who dresses like an old lady.

14. Abizz': pizza. pronounced /a-beetz'/

15. Shangad: not sure how that should be spelled, but it's pronounced /shan'-god/. something that's messed up or in disarray. e.g. her living room was all shangad.

There are many others. I still use some of them on a daily basis. My favorite was always when my mother would put dinner on the table and proclaim "mangia, mangia tutte cose" (eat, eat everything). That reminds me I need to go make dinner. Ciao.

A Case of the X

2006-05-22T16:58:00.000-04:00

Those of us who have seen X-Men 2 know that there was a scene in which the Iceman "cometh out" to his parents as a mutant. The young mutant was nervous about telling his parents that he was "special" and wanted their acceptance. It was funny in the sense that it mirrored young gay men and women telling their parents who they really are.

Now I've read that X-Men 3: The Last Stand has a plot point in which mutants can be "cured" of their mutant nature. The X-Men struggle with the decision of whether or not they should completely change who they are. Which brings me to the age old question that has been posed to many a homosexual: If there were a pill that would make you heterosexual, would you take it?

If you'd asked me when I was a teenager I probably would said "yes" without hesitation. There was no greater need in me than to somehow remove that overwhelming feeling of being different from all the "normal" kids. I wasn't afraid of being gay...I was afraid of what others would think of me for being that way--that all my good deeds and accomplishments would be washed away for this one facet of my persona.

In my late twenties I finally was 100% honest with myself and realized that hiding and pretending was doing more damage to me and others than coming out ever would. At that time and now I would not take that pill. If I were straight I would never have met Scott or Chris. I never would have forged the deep relationship I have with Ralph. If I moved in different circles I would have never met these people and that would have been my loss. They have, each in their own way, supported me and made me want to be a better person.

So no jagged little pills for me. I'll do just fine without it.

That Mint-y Fresh Feeling

2006-05-18T16:38:00.000-04:00

Am I the only one still collecting State Quarters? Probably. Today I got change from the newsstand outside my building and, lo and behold, I got the newest State Quarter: Nebraska.
I am not a hardcore numismatist in any way. Other than the Quarters, my grandmother gave me some old silver dollars. That's the extent of my collection. But I do enjoy finding the newest quarters and gleefully placing them in my carboard map of the US. Wow...I really need to get a life.

Anyway...tonight is the final episode of Will & Grace. I'll be sad to see them go. Although the reruns are plentiful on Lifetime and our local WB17, it just won't be the same. After a while the jokes and the clothes will seem dated. But I'm sure my friends and I will still quote the characters from time to time. Unless you count the "L Word", there really won't be any openly gay-themed shows on TV. And with the current state of our country I doubt there will be for some time.

Some of tend to forget that putting W & G on TV was a gamble for NBC. There were fears that they wouldn't be able to find sponsors or that the public would protest. Certain gays and lesbians claimed that Jack was "too gay" and that Will wasn't "gay enough". I didn't feel that was the case at all. But you can't please everyone. I was just glad to see gay lead characters in a hit sitcom. I was amazed that America had gay characters in their living rooms and that NBC didn't bury the show on a Friday night where no one would see it.

I'm going to miss the cast. Hopefully they won't do a "Seinfeld" and take roles in one lousy sitcom after another. But that's all in the future. For tonight I'll just sit back and enjoy one last hurrah with W & G. Don't call me between 8 and 10pm. Thanks.

Say Hello to My Little Friend

2006-05-17T16:53:00.000-04:00

At the risk of offending the epidermically challenged I have an announcement to make. I have a HUGE pimple of the side of my nose. I don't know if it's due to the recent humidity, the fact that the subway is caked in multiple layers of harmful bacteria or because my skin is having a midlife crisis. Whatever the reason my 35 year old face is pissed. Now I'll never be a teen model.

Anyway I had written two hilarious posts in the past two days and each time I went to publish I lost my connection. Thanks, Comcast.

Here's a brief synopsis of those "lost" posts:

1. St. Denis, France named a street after convicted Philly cop-killer Mumia Abu Jamal. Next week I hear the Rue de Squeaky Fromme will be established near the Boulevarde de Ted Bundy. I think the French try hard to piss Americans off. Good job, people.

2. I voted in yesterday's PA primary. Does the excitement never end? At least I got to put my two cents in on whether Philly should install surveillance cameras to thwart crime on the streets. I voted "yes/si". If the cameras don't work out to be a deterrent, they'll be able to identify some of the perpetrators. I hope if I ever get on film that I'm well lit.

3. Jury duty is fun for all ages. I was picked for two trials (one a civil malpractice case and the other a murder trial). The plaintiff was awarded 4 million dollars by our jury in the civil case and the murder trial defendant was sent to prison for life. We could've chosen the death penalty, but our jury was divided. All the female jurors wanted life imprisonment...all the males wanted the death penalty. We couldn't convince the females to change their minds so instead of prolonging the trial we caved in. Good times.

The remainder of the posts had some funny jabs at different things which, of course, I can't recall. The computer mishap totally ruined my blogging mojo.

Anyway don't miss the finale of the Amazing Race 9. It's sure to be amazing.

The Mother

2006-05-14T08:04:00.000-04:00

Without question my mother has been my greatest confidante, shoulder to cry on, support, ally and protector. With the patience of a saint she has been there for me in all sorts of complicated trials and tribulations. She always gives her opinion and advice (when asked) without being pushy. There have been times when, I'm sure, she wished I would've chosen a different path to take, but supported me nonetheless. The picture (left) is of my sister Diana, me, my friend Ralph, his friend John and my Mother. Scott was in Louisiana at the time this picture was taken.

People who know me invariably become attached to my mother as she is unquestionably intelligent, funny and caring to the nth degree. When I worked at the bank she would call and ask to speak to me. Whoever answered the phone would ask who was calling and she would just say "the Mother". She signed emails that way too.

When I was having a problem with my sixth grade teacher it was my mother that stood up to the hard-boiled Sister Marita Shawn and demanded that that teacher keeps his hands off me and treat me with respect. He had a habit of mistreating me (not in a sexual way) and purposely humiliating me in front of the whole class.

When I had to have an emergency appendectomy she stayed in the hospital (with my father and Ralphie) all night. When I recovered she was there. She also overstuffed my refrigerator and cooked for me for the next seven days.

But she's more than just a war-time consigliere. You can talk to her about anything: history, politics, celebrities, literature, etc. Almost anyone can be a mother, but few could be "the Mother". I love you Mom.

Shock and Awwww

2006-05-11T17:23:00.000-04:00

Last night, as you all probably already know, Chris Daughtry got cut from American Idol. Ryan delivered the news in such an abrupt, seemingly mean-spirited way that I couldn't help but feel bad for Chris.

At least now he can go on tour with the other rejects and get on with his career. But still there's that nagging feeling that the weekly votes are meaningless. There are those that believe that the competition is rigged. Others say that if the media picks a winner weeks in advance that voters tend to throw their votes on less-talented contestants out of sympathy.

I'm not sure what the deal is. All I know is that the remaining three couldn't hold a candle to Chris.

In other TV news...Kathy Griffin is back. Her Strong Black Woman concert was hysterical. And her Life on the D-List reality show is back as well. I don't know what it is, but Kathy delivers her anecdotes as if she were everyone's wacky neighbor or catty best friend. She's really carved out a niche for herself with her celebrity gossip. Love her.

Anyway...in local news Scott bought a French horn from e-Bay. So far he's only played it once which made Emma bark, Simon hide under the bed and Oreo do her best impression of Frances Farmer. It's not that he doesn't play well. It's just that the critters never heard wind instruments being played in the house. I guess they've gotten used to my poorly played piano stylings. Poor things.

In work-related news, a co-worker of mine (who I despise) made a point of mentioning to me in the elevator that he is getting married and having the DJ at the reception play "My Funny Valentine" sung by Matt Damon (from Talented Mr. Ripley). Would you ever not talk to someone for months and then say something like that? I just said "wow...that's interesting. congratulations. I didn't know you were getting married." He didn't even acknowledge that I spoke. We rode the elevator in silence for six floors.

Happy (early) Mother's Day!

An American Waste of Time

2006-05-06T21:00:00.000-04:00

Please. I'm begging you. Do NOT go see An American Haunting. It was one of the worst movies I have ever seen. I was so disappointed. I've read several accounts of the Bell Witch haunting and was looking forward to seeing the events unfold on screen.

I'm not sure which was worse: the acting, the screenplay or the lack of suspense. The characters were so undeveloped that you didn't care what happened to them. They tied in a modern day story line that was so ridiculous that we couldn't help but laugh. Sissy Spacek (who was lousy in the equally lousy "Ring 2") and Donald Sutherland should fire their agents.

On top of the painful theatre torture-fest, we were treated to the seven underage girls who sat in the back and wouldn't stop talking. Also a young guy and his girlfriend showed up late. He used his cellphone as a flashlight to find a seat which, of course, was 3 seats away from me in an almost empty theatre. He proceeded to flip open his phone (with the brightest light I've ever seen) every two seconds. It got to the point where Scott asked him politely, but loudly to turn his phone off. He did...for about a minute. Then, even after his girlfriend told him to stop, he just said "I don't give a f*ck" and proceeded to talk on his phone. The movie was so bad that I didn't even care anymore. I just wanted to leave.

Mercifully the movie ended. Scott and I emerged into the brilliant sunlight missing about 1.5 hours that we will never get back.

Pandemic Pandemonium

2006-05-03T17:09:00.000-04:00

A portion of the meeting today at work involved my company's creation of a task force which would deal with the effects of the bird flu on our daily business. There wasn't anything set in stone, but the meeting moderator went over the Short Term Disability and FMLA rules and guidelines. That is, of course, if we survive.

There's nothing like getting together with a group of co-workers and discussing Armageddon or a reasonable facsimile thereof. Personally I think that the much-hyped disease is just a reason for Bush to close the borders. That's just my take on it. Hopefully it won't be as bad as the media wants it to be. Yes they want it to be horrific. The war, civil unrest and society's run of the mill ills aren't newsworthy anymore. The nightly reports have to be bigger, scarier and more life-threatening than ever before.

In other unrelated news...Scott and I were discussing the books we've read over the years. He finally finished the Da Vinci Code in anticipation of the movie. He still hasn't read all the Harry Potters (although I think he made it up to the Goblet of Fire). I've always been the bookworm type. No matter what was going on in life I usually was in the process of reading a book.

I'm currently reading a book entitled Sex with the Queen by Eleanor Herman. No it's not a gay themed book. All these queens were actual European royals who used their sexuality to stay sane, stay on the throne or to, in their minds, rule effectively. So far it's pretty interesting. Check it out. I'm also on the lookout for Our Family Trouble. It's an account of the Bell Witch haunting in Tennessee written by Richard Bell. I had the book a few years ago and enjoyed it, but foolishly lent it to someone and never got it back. Ebay and Amazon don't have it. I read that it's now out of print. So if anyone can help me out I'd appreciate it.

Should-a, Would-a, Prada

2006-05-01T17:04:00.000-04:00

I'm so mad at myself right now. I had another instance of homophobic rhetoric at the workplace and I kept my mouth shut.

An older female co-worker of mine is heavily involved with her church and often does volunteer work within her community. That's fantastic. Brava! She also peppers her workplace conversations with God, Jesus and quotes like "praise God" and "have a blessed day". Ok...not entirely appropriate, but I won't pull your wig off for saying those things.

Today, for reasons unkown to me, she played the homophobia card. All of sudden she starts talking to a male co-worker of mine ( who is straight ) about how God doesn't want men and men to have sex or marry and that gays/lesbians choose to be gay and that it is sinful and an insult to God. She was appalled that many gays believe that they are born that way.

The male co-worker listened for a while and then told her that she really shouldn't suppose to know what God wants. He also told her that she was wrong. She just blew him off and said "God don't make mistakes".

I have no idea what brought on this wave of evil. Maybe she read something in the paper she didn't like. It doesn't matter. No one should be saying those things at work.

It took all my strength not to get up and interject. I started thinking about the numerous rumors I've heard about my company's inherent homophobia. Even though they allow domestic parnter benefits, I've heard horror stories about the company making it hard for known gays/lesbians until they eventually quit.

I'm still mulling over the prospect of discussing the issue with HR or management. I'll keep you posted.

Second Time Around

2006-04-27T09:23:00.000-04:00

Just returned from Fort Lauderdale. It was our second trip to the city as well as our second stay at the same resort. In 2005 we had such an enjoyable time even though we had to leave a day early due to a death in Scott's family. We met some really nice guys from the Philly area as well as DC and San Francisco. We still keep in touch with the Philly guys who, unfortunately, were unable to meet us down there this year.

This year's vacation was a bit different. The other guests were not as friendly, not as considerate and not as personable as last year. Despite the gorgeous weather the trip was lacking the congeniality we previously enjoyed. But we had the sense this time to rent a car and had a chance to really explore the area and eat some great meals.

During our stay we only talked to a few select guest as the others were a bit on the catty-stuckup-cliquey-loud-oversexed-drug addict side. We met a nice couple from London, a friendly guy from Detroit who had the darkest tan I'd ever seen on a white guy and two guys who were both from different areas of NYC who had us laughing. Other than those mentioned we wished the other guys weren't there. They weren't rude to us, but just their presence made us a little uncomfortable.

Because we didn't know a lot of their names Scott had the tendency to refer to them in conversation by nicknames he invented. Some of them were:

Mammoth (not a reference to his weight)
Bad Hair
Number 2
Bobby Lee/Bobby Trendy (he resembled both of them at times)
Lips (the guy had a weird tan around his mouth)
Spanky pants
Hebrew National (not a reference to his religion)
Green Tattoo

We most likely won't be returning to Ft. Lauderdale unless it's a layover on the way to Key West (which we visited in 2003). Next up on the list of places to visit (if someone can watch the dog for us): Palm Springs, Santa Fe, Vermont, Rhode Island, Chicago, Pittsburgh, San Francisco and someday the UK, Italy, France, Austria.

Back to work on Monday (ugh). Hope my tan lasts until then.

The Notebook

2006-04-18T16:40:00.000-04:00

Was it me or did every depressed/self-obsessed teen have a collection of their own works of poetry? It wasn't like I ran into my bedroom, flung myself on the bed and just had to write about that dreamy date I had that night. I didn't keep a diary either. Although I did try to pick the lock on my sister's once. That thing was like Fort Knox.

The stuff I wrote was more along the lines of the Gothy, doom and gloom type. I also did some (probably incorrect) translations of other people's work into French, Spanish and Italian. Yes there were a lot of nights that I had absolutely nothing to do. But it kept me sane or at least busy.

I've been meaning to re-read the 10 or 11 notebooks I have crammed in my closet. I can't recall anything I wrote, but when I do read it I'll know exactly where I was and what was happening at the time. If I find anything worth posting I'll put it up.

In other news...my co-worker called out today. Which I dont' mind at all. However every time she calls out the VP calls me and wants something so impossible that I spend the rest of the day trying to complete it. It truly is amazing how the VP invariably decides, when so-and-so is out, that she needs a picture of Osama Bin Laden shaking hands with Jimmy Hoffa at DisneyWorld while they hold up today's newspaper. I finally got everything done in time to leave at reasonable hour and then she shoots me an email with the dumbest question she could ask. I wonder what it's like to have a huge salary and a lot of time on your hands. Maybe one day I'll ask her.

Good Friday Flashback

2006-04-14T09:40:00.000-04:00

Picture it Wildwood Crest, NJ circa 1981. It was a beautiful sunny Good Friday morning. Not a cloud in the sky. I sat sleepily on my grandmother's couch while watching TV with my cousin. My grandmother was furiously cooking up a breakfast storm and berating my grandfather at the same time. She's good at multi-tasking. My great uncle, who was also my godfather, entered the room and proclaimed that, even though it was sunny outside, by noon the clouds would roll in and darken the sky. He said the sun would be obscured from noon to 3pm to correspond with the time Jesus spent on the cross. My cousin and I looked at each other and probably rolled our eyes in disbelief. The sun was so strongly shining that it seemed improbable and impossible for such a thing to occur.

Sure enough, around 11:50 we could see the black clouds advancing quickly toward my grandparents' little shore home. They rolled past the church in the distance, over the impeccably groomed lawns and flowerbeds and inevitably loomed ominously over the house. By noon the sky was so filled with darkness that the air itself felt charged. We sat there quietly and stared out the window. Tiny drops of intermittent drizzle pelted the parked cars. Our great-uncle's forecast was correct. He just smiled and told us to remember that day.

Around 3pm the clouds lifted as if they were being swept away by some unseen celestial broom. Again the sun regained it's brilliance and glistened in the dewy grass. I remember feeling safe that day--that there was some order to the universe. And I was amazed at how my great-uncle was somehow privy to the forthcoming meteorological nod to the crucifixion.

My great-uncle passed away in 1982 along with my grandfather and another great-uncle. I often wonder what the family dynamic would've been had they lived just a little longer.

Oh Baby

2006-04-13T17:59:00.000-04:00

The other night I watched Rosie's Family Cruise on HBO. It's a documentary on the cruise set up by Rosie O'Donnell and her partner specifically for gay/lesbian families and their friends. There were some really interesting stories told by parents and kids alike, a couple of civil unions and some Broadway interstitials (which I could've done without).

When the ship landed in the Bahamas the cruisers were met with protests from some local island church groups. How'd you like to experience that on vacation? The groups, of course, said hateful things to, not only the adults, but the children. I could go on and on about how the self-righteous use their religion as a platform for hatred, but I won't. Suffice it to say that if these people are going to be in Heaven then I don't want to be there. Unless of course they're on some far off cloud that no one visits...ever.

Honestly I'm not sure why the ship even went to the Bahamas since they and other Caribbean nations are notoriously homophobic and violent about it. The producers of the show did happen to come across a few Bahamian locals who voiced their support for gays/lesbians and tried to make it clear over the din of the protesters that they did not agree with the hateful chanting of the mob.

But the show was not so much about discrimination or hate as it was about love. They showed many couples with their children. It was heart-warming to see how some of these couples have taken unwanted/abandoned children into their homes and their lives.

I wouldn't be able to be a parent. I never had the inclination or the drive for fatherhood. If how I treat my pets is any indication...I'd probably be the doting father who spoils the kids and makes them rotten. I think I'll stick to my dog and cats and let the paternal/maternal types do their thing.

I'll Do The Math

2006-04-10T16:48:00.000-04:00

I felt the need to just break some things down mathematically. Please bear with me.

Mandisa + homophobia = never to be heard from again

Check out this Q & A with her in The Advocate:

Would you be comfortable performing or singing at a gay event? I would not, no.

Would it conflict with your religious beliefs? Based on what I believe, I'm not an advocate for [being gay], so it's nothing I would take part in.

Nice knowing you, Mandisa. Good luck on the gospel circuit.

Illegal immigrants + protests = now we really don't give a sh*t

Apparently no one was at work today...except all the able-bodied US citizens (and those with work visas) who are too busy with trying to make a living legally. If the illegals are so organized and polarized then why not try to affect change in your own country? I, for one, don't feel sorry for any one of the protesters. They say the squeaky wheel gets the most grease. In my world the squeaky wheel gets thrown out. And I thought it was funny that in other protests many had Mexican flags, but today they were waving US flags. Nice spin. Still didn't work.

Vito Spadafore (Sopranos) + dancing at a leather bar = contrived

C'mon. Did you ever see an actor so uncomfortable in your life? I think Diana Scarwid felt more at ease delivering her famously bad "because. I. am. not. one. of. your. FANS!" line to a horrified Faye Dunaway in Mommie Dearest. Sorry, but there aren't any gay men, no matter how closeted, that would twirl their hand half-heartedly in the air while having a conversation on the dance floor. And Vito just happened to be there on the night Tony's goons were collecting from the bar? Didn't he know that the bar paid street tax and that there would be a possibility he'd run into someone he knew? The whole scene was laughable. Where'd he get the nerve to sport that hat?